Psychic Fire

My mood's very temperamental now. It can blow any which way at any which time. I'm pissed off with my ulcer because it's simply not healing. I drink so much water I keep going to the loo every ten minutes. And the freaking thing just keeps growing bigger! -_- The ulcer! Not anything else. Urgh. My stomach's queasy, and I have a GIGANTIC headache pounding my skull. I'm hungry, but there's nothing that appeals to my tummy BECAUSE it's queasy. And it's queasy BECAUSE it's empty. But I can't eat BECAUSE it's queasy. And on and on, ad infinitum. I'm also pissed because despite my subtle hints, my personal space is constantly being invaded. Tsk. I am fire, I identify most with fire. For those who delve into the esoteric supernatural, there you go. My element is fire. And as humans ought to know, fire is hard to control. And if you get too close, you'll feel the heat. That applies to my personality too. Mr Zul said he was a bit afraid when our class first started, because all of us had such strong personalities, and didn't seem to gel together. Guess he's right. Although now we're all ok with each other. I CAN be manipulated, for a while, but then I'll spin out of control. A firestorm in my own right. *sigh* And end up burning everyone who ticks me off. Thankfully I seldom lose my temper. But the temptation to just release my restraints and erupt like a formidable volcano is always there. But if everyone in the world did that, we'd all be murderers. And when there's no one left to murder, we'd kill ourselves. Tsk. But fire is most known for warmth and light, and so I shall attempt to draw these positive aspects into my being. Come on, people! Don't you think I'm nice and warm? =P Ok, that just sounds so wrong. Hahaha. See? -_- My mood just shifted from furious to bouncy in a snap. Urgh. Seriously, my own psyche freaks me out. Anyway! Dinner tonight with the girls has been changed to lunch tomorrow. Afterwhich we shall probably go present shopping with Yushaa. Ahh...tomorrow's a holiday! I just realised that! And the next person who calls me slow shall die a SLOW and torturous death. -_- Now, where was I? Oh yes. Going out tomorrow. Hopefully I can wake up. I sleep like the dead. Probably have some vampire potential in me. Seriously! I sleep with the moon, and once I'm asleep, it's next to impossible to wake me. I have very strange dreams. =x Ok la. Enough stalling. I'm going to get up off the chair and march over to the fridge and fill my empty stomach.

Psychic Wings

School was great. The past few days have been EXCELLENT! I love the storms we've been having. I had a blast. I feel more optimistic when the weather's raging and the wind's roaring. I just feel so ALIVE! Been more open about myself with people from school. Had a party today. IN the classroom. Faris and Jas pretended to have a fight to get Mr Zul to come up and investigate. And then, SURPRISE! FOod and fun galore. Yum. Home baked goodies, a SINFUL chocolate cake, wonderful ambience. I haven't laughed so much in ages. Last night went out with Aimi, Seif and Qais. Seif and me got DRENCHED, even though we were under the shelter of the bus-stop. Shows how powerful the stormy winds were. *sigh* It was such a good day. I wish everyday could be like that. I'm not so reluctant to show my poetic and philosophical side anymore. People either get me, or they don't. So there! =P I feel like I've sprouted wings. I can fly! THe whole world's mine for the taking. And no, I don't mean in a tyrannical manner. Hopefully going out for dinner with Yushaa, Phoebe and Elina later. And guess what? I forgot to switch my MSN status to 'offline' when I went to school. So when I got back home, the message windows were everywhere. Tsk. Sorry, people! Especially Gina! =x Haha. Aww! The storm subsided! *pouts* Ok then. I'm going off to play Age Of Wonders2! (I've got all the cheats!)

Psychic Light

Ah, Life. I love the games you play with the critters scurrying around on this planet. Today started off badly, and ended on a high note, my phone NOT getting repaired notwithstanding. I got compliments for my poetic scribblings, and what I've lost you've replaced. Sometimes, we humans get too caught up with what's on the horizon that we forget what's sitting right under our nose. I have my complete circle once again. And this only strengthens my resolve to live in the light and magnify that light for those lost in the shadows. Is this the power of positive thought? I have my moments of darkness, we all do. But what sets us apart is that we CHOOSE to overcome it. We pour our strength into fighting fate, even when we know it's useless. We dig in the rubble for survivors, because we know there are those who hold on to that precious light within them to fight the odds. I believe this, because I have personally witnessed such feats of inner strength. I marvel, and yet, at the same time, I feel immense sadness. What about those who perished? Those who lost hope and succumbed to the darkness and lost their light? What if someone had told them never, EVER to give up? Would they have fought harder and maybe, just maybe, have survived? I have lost many people I hold dear. And this question will burn in my heart as long as I breathe. As things stand, I know from experience that words may seem small and worthless, but in times of crisis, it may be the only source of hope. Your words can make or break a person. When they're clinging desperately to life, your words may be the thread that binds them to this world, that strengthens their resolve to fight for their lives. I will always regret that I did not make the effort to help the people who were obviously in much pain, be it physical or emotional. Regret that I did not pull out all the stops to save them. They're gone now, and may they rest in peace. =/ But to people I may meet in the future, I hope to always be there for them, to mend a broken heart, to instil peace in a fractured mind, to encourage them to spread their wings and fly. I do not want to lose another person I care about. =/ I shall sally forth into the light, and spread as much warmth as I possibly can! Here's to hope! (My mum calls me an idealist, but I'll prove her wrong!) =D

Psychic Prayer

I've spent the night balancing out my fears, and I've come to the conclusion that I have every right to step away from the ruins of the past and soar towards the light that is my future. I've been foolish to assume that the past creates the future. The human heart is fragile, but with each crack, each break, it grows stronger. I shall live my life to the fullest, and I shall not look at the shadows that lurk in my mind and heart. I pray that in time, I shall have enough light of my own to banish these demons from my being. But in the meantime, I shall have to be the best that I can be. I've also realised that, for me, helping people is cathartic. In helping them overcome their own fears and earthly problems, I remind myself that we humans are capable of anything, limited only by our own imagination. We have proven throughout the ages that while our mortal flesh is fallible and weak, our spirit is anything but. I pray that the light shall guide me in all I say and do. I refuse to be weakened by fear and uncertainty. Time brings evolution, and I embrace mine. It is my time to evolve, to leave my shell behind and bring my light into this world. I have nothing to fear. I have been evolving all this time, without knowing it, and now it is time to complete the final step. =) And at long last, the skeletons and demons shall be laid to eternal rest. And I shall be free to live my life unfettered by regret and sorrow. I shall touch lives; I shall guide those who have lost their way and show them the light that is hidden in each and every person. This is my prayer for the future.

Psychic Haunting

My mood just took a nosedive. Made the mistake of cleaning out my closet, found some skeletons that I've been ignoring for a long time. I guess the hardest lesson anyone can learn in life is that you can never run from a problem. Even if it takes a long time, it'll come back to haunt you. Now I have to deal with it, and it sucks ass. It is no one's fault but my own. The destruction and misery that I wrought in my own selfish desires may remain a black mark on my soul as long as I live. But when everyone else has moved on from the ruins, why am I left here in the dust? The people I've hurt so foolishly have moved on and become suns in their own right, shining their light for all to see. My own light wavers, and at times I fear it shall fail me and die completely. Yet at other times, it shines so blindingly bright I'm afraid of my own light. There are days when I wake and I fear nothing and no one, when I have faith in my ability to repel the darkness. But when I least expect it, darkness pulls out a trump card. I have tried so hard to evolve. And in many ways, I've succeeded. I no longer use harsh words and scathing replies, and I've reined in my sarcasm. It seems as though I'm a completely different person now, and it shows. Most tellingly when I had dinner with Elina and Yushaa some time back, and Elina said she used to feel like punching me, but not anymore. I admit, I was pretty spiteful back then. But thank goodness I've changed! The skeletons remain, however, and it is my task now to put them to rest.

Psychic Telepathy

I just got back from a performance. Some National Day Dinner celebration. Hooray. Cute guys galore, specially from the Lion Dance segment. *drool* Shall probably upload the pictures of the performance when I get them. But, yay! My first public performance in the musical scene. I mean outside of school. Obviously. Not very memorable, since I was pretty much zoned out. Too tired to be nervous or excited or anything. Dinner was great on Saturday. =) Yushaa and Phoebe made me laugh loads. Haha. Too bad Elina couldn't join us, though. We had fun, nonetheless. Went to White Tangerine, where the music is ok, but would be better if they weren't trying to bust our eardrums. =P Yushaa's name was officially mangled that night when we dedicated the song Tong Hua to her. The guy's speech, and I'm quoting verbatim here, "The song Tong Hua, dedicated to....what the...." Yes. He said that when trying to read Yushaa's name, which came complete with phonetics for dunderheads who can't pronounce YOU-SHA. He passed it to his bandmate who went on to proudly proclaim, "Dedicated to YO-SHA!" I tried my best not to laugh, especially at the murderous look on our darling's face. Haha. Anyway, darling, we had fun yeah? And we told Jeremy Yeo we're cohabiting! That's new. =) I love how freaked out Yushaa got on the ocassions when I appeared to read her mind. Telepathy, baby! Phoebe was as sweet as ever, Yushaa was bubbly and I was, in my opinion, enigmatic as always. Tsk. A flaw I'm trying to fix, I swear. And finally! Someone who understands my metaphors! Phoebe! <3 Alright. Tired out after performing for nameless socialites and politicians. My cosy corner's calling to me. Guten nacht, mein freunds. God, my German needs improvement. =/

Psychic Vibrancy

Woohoo! It's now 6 in the morning, and I am so hyped. Saturday! I have all day to bang on the piano, roll around the house (I'm so fat now I no longer walk), pig out and watch my shows all day. Ah, the life of a bum. Last night went for flute rehearsal for the first time. I nearly walked out, okays. The place was crowded. And I get stressed when I see crowds. But never mind that, I did pretty well I think. Spent the whole day yesterday with Yushaa, getting rust stains all over us (thank goodness I'm gay, we have a gene that repels dirt of all kinds) and reliving our childhood. Haha. OMG! ANd we saw this totally adorable HUSKY! So so so cute! We saw Juliana and Yusnika, and I thought Jahaber cut his hair. Then I went up to him and said ever so brightly, "Hey! You cut your hair!" He looked at me, then said, "NO. I STRAIGHTENED it." Ok, rare moment. Faiz struck dumb. Haha. ANYWAY, we hogged the swings all day, went to grab milkshakes at Compasspoint, and I made the mistake of mentioning the C-word after Yushaa purchased her Chocolat milkshake at Mac's. CALORIES! Muahaha. SMSed GINA, but that TEEN QUEEN didn't reply. Sleeping in most probably. We saw Shima and some blocky guy outside Mac's. Exchanged exuberant hellos (Shima's effect on people. Haha!), then walked around aimlessly around Kovan. Then we went to the library at Cpoint. Saw Chuck Palahniuk's book Survivor, read the first few pages, and felt so terribly cheated! Where's his literary brilliance?! I think he lost his touch after Fight CLub. But I still adore his older stories! =D Ok, today...let's see....I'm going home at noon. Compete with my neighbours over musical superiority, then bug my mum for more jeans, then I'm going out for dinner with Yushaa, Phoebe and Elina. Huh. I feel so full of joie de vivre! Yay me! 4B! *wistful* Class reunion for teacher's day? *wry* More likely we'll all go in our cliques on our own time huh?

Psychic Rebellion

I have no idea what to say. Half-formed thoughts are racing through my head, most of them my dissatisfaction with the education system. It's improving, yeah. Teachers are great. The subject matter just isn't. I want to learn about philosophy, about the great poets of times past and present. I want to get graded on my comprehension of Plato, of Socrates, of Ovid. Yet, I have to calculate mundane things such as how two trains leaving the same place at different times will collide and at what time and what not. It isn't that I CAN'T do the questions. Mathematics just doesn't appeal to me. Neither does chemistry. Physics yes, because for me physics is a matter of common sense. The written word, when properly constructed can be as grand as a concerto, as sweeping as an aria. In the hands of a true master, a pen can be an instrument of awe-inspiring greatness. I admire poets for their flawless understanding of the construction of sentences. Mathematics is governed by rules and is, in my opinion, for the unimaginative. Apply the correct formula to the right problem, and there you go. Clickclick, it's solved. Whereas in English, in poetry, you are only limited by your imagination. With words, you can create whole worlds in which people can lose themselves and leave their lives behind, even if only for a short period of time. Whether it's the writing of a novel, or the composition of a musical masterpiece, the result is the same. You have the opportunity to produce gems people will pay to read, people will pay to attend your concert. Mathematics, I find, while quite engaging for a select few, is bound by fixed laws and therefore, in my opinion, unworthy of my time. And yet I am still forced to study theorems and rule after rule after rule, when in all honesty, I would rather read the epic works of masters such as Oscar Wilde. I am disappointed with my position in life. If such a thing was possible, I would drop my studies now to pursue English and music. These two will always take the top slots in my life. Have I no other choice but to continue studying subjects which I have no regard for? Truly, I wish I was born in a time where man prized language and music above all else. *wistful* I'm tired as I was up all night again. So now I'm going off to sleep.

Psychic Irony

Ok, I'm pissed off now. I slept the entire day away yesterday. I spent TWENTY FOUR hours sleeping. Woke up to pee and stuff, then went straight back to sleep. But that's ok. Cuz today I woke up fully energised and ready to face life. So I went and showered using my favourite soap (Crabtree and Evelyn's scent doesn't linger, does it?) , had a hearty breakfast, watched South Park for a while, then left the house for Malay class. I TOOK A FREAKING CAB FOR NOTHING. They changed the class timeslot to TUesday. Which was YESTERDAY. So fine. It was like 11:30am, and my next lesson is at 3pm. SO I toddled off back to my house, which is like half an hour's ride from the school Okay! I did some exercises, then listened to music, then played the piano, and THEN I realised it was already 3. ANd out the door I ran, hoping to catch another cab. The SUN was out. So fine. I walked out of the shade to my favourite taxi hunting grounds. And then WATER came pouring down from above. I got drenched, and I stood there blinking stupidly, doing my best NOT to look like a drowned rat. I got thoroughly soaked. Tried for a cab, and failed miserably. I finally gave up and walked back home, leaving squelching wet footprints in my wake. There goes my favourite Converse sneakers. At least now I've got a reason to wheedle my parents into buying me a new pair. Shoes aren't really my thing. JEANS are. My dad got me blue armani jeans! hooray. Anyway, I'm thinking I should have just stayed in bed today. It was like such a comedic day la! Kak Zai at the school desk was like telling me to hold on while she checked the Malay class schedules. And SEIF was still asleep when I called him to double check the timetable. The irony isn't lost on me! The ONE time I actually decide to be a good boy and attend all my classes, everything goes wrong. Humph. I'm drying off in front of the com now, cuz I'm too lazy to locate my towels. But seriously! *whines* I did want to go today. And I went out. TWICE. COunt em. I tried halfheartedly to grab a cab, but let's face it, no respectable taxi driver would want to pick up a soaking wet passenger. I was so wet, the grey patterns on my shirt turned black. -_- Thank Goodness I wasn't wearing my blue armani jeans! ^_^ now that annoying Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life song is playing in my head. Tsk. The things I get myself into. Just got off the phone with Gina. She was gushing about her oral exam yesterday. Chia Wee's exam is tomorrow. Good luck, moocow! And just FYI, I'm servicing my phone today. The one you spilled curry on. =P I'm going off now to make some happy-inducing chocolate sauce to balance out this crappy day. And from now on, I'm going to check the weather forecast before I set foot outside my house! -_-

Psychic Inbalance

Ah, screw it. I have no mood to go to school today. *pouts* I'm seriously starting to think I'm bipolar. Why else would I cry when I see a tree for no other reason than the tree's leaves are so green and lush? Well, truthfully, I WAS having a bad day, and the greenness of the leaves helped to calm me and made me think about life and hope. But still! My mood swings are all over the place. And now that I'm officially past mid teenhood, I can't blame my hormones anymore. Tsk. Seriously getting irritated with myself. I get all snarky and irritable when my mum calls, and then get all guilty when we hang up, then I get all weepy cuz I feel so damn bad and ungrateful. AND THEN I don't feel like going out to face the world. SEE? SEE? NOW I feel full of hope and ready to face life. EECK. I need professional help. Who knows a good social escort service? LOl. Hmm...now I just feel like flopping back down on my nice corner. I never EVER sleep on the bed. I have my own corner on the floor. =D I pad it with cushions and my favourite billowy blue blanky, then off to dreamland I go. Ok, screw school. I've made up my mind not to go. Instead I'm going to read my textbooks. Hopefully the information will lodge itself into my brain. My brain's going round and round in circles...and you KNOW what happens when a doggie turns in circles? It's preparing to sleep. Oh no! And it's only ten in the morning. -_- I was super cranky the whole of yesterday, giving one word replies to EVERYONE up until evening when my temper cooled and I felt more human. So now it's inevitable that my conscience is needling me with pitchforks. One word to describe my mood today: manic. I watched Practical Magic (didn't sleep all night) and cried buckets. Then watched The Craft and Family Guy DVDs and laughed my ass off the rest of the night. Hence my manic mood this morning, which is enhanced by chocolates and caffeine. Hooray! Where can I get nightshade/belladonna in Singapore? It's not like they grow on the sidewalks. -_- I have to start brewing up some anti-insomnia tea before I go completely nuts. Now I'm listening to Sheryl Crow and Bran Van 3000. Separately, not at the same time as I'm sometimes prone to do. WHOOOO! I'm high, babeh! Ok, I'd better stop writing now before I come across as mentally unbalanced.

Psychic Reaffirmation

Yay...I'm back. Went for dinner with Elina and Yushaa last night. I was half an hour late...haha. I had my favourite dish, red meat with rice. The gals had 2 plain pratas each, then split a paper prata between them. The tree overlooking the table we were seated at kept raining flowers. THEY MOSTLY LANDED ON ELINA. We talked about guys, sex, guys, sex, MORE guys, MORE sex. Haha. After laughing and giggling for a while, we left. I walked Yushaa home. =P Then she walked me to the traffic light opposite Yuying. She scared the living daylights out of me when she suddenly screamed and clutched my arm. Gosh, adrenalin was pumping through my blood, and I was ready to fend off any robber/flasher when I followed her gaze down to the ground and saw a deadly........COCKROACH. I swear I was going to start singing La Cucaracha! But the sheer terror on her face and the fact that we were in a densely populated area of Hougang, whose residents probably wouldn't appreciate watching a murder unfold in their midst made me keep my mouth wisely shut. Ok, admittedly I'm not a big fan of Mr. Cucaracha either. Haha! Nice to know my BUFF arm came in handy, eh, Yushaa? =D Well, I went back home to my parents' place. Stayed overnight. Played my piano for practically the whole day. LOVE MY DARLING PIANO. I tried playing L'apres Midi by Yann Tiersen from memory....and failed spectacularly. Hooray. I've sent the sheet music off for printing...it'll be ready by tomorrow evening. Plus, it's time to get my piano tuned. Counting my already dwindling finances...tsk. I want a grand piano! Someone please get me one for my birthday! *puppy eyes* I hate being broke. >.< Yushaa, thanks for sorting out the tangled mess that's my love life. You're right, I'm gay, and I can't break her heart that way. =) You're simply the best! =D Anyway, going off now to watch The Craft and Practical Magic (Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman! Need I say more? =D) while doing maths/physics/accounts. Oh, kill me.

Psychic Duet

We're like one person split into two bodies. I know how you feel, I know what you're thinking. I know how you feel about me. But I can't bring myself to commit. Azy, if you're reading this...I'm terribly afraid. I've danced in and out of relationships, had my heart smashed more times than I care to count, I've toyed with feelings of both boys and men alike. Smashed lots of hearts in my own right too. But in this instance, I cannot bring myself to say it. I am not afraid for me. But I'm afraid for your friend. For our friend. We've known each other for a long time. Three years? Yes? But I cannot. I simply can't. I can't believe that she's liked me for so long. It's not that I don't understand. Love is enduring. But I don't want her to rush into things. I know you're protective of her. But so am I. She's my friend too. I don't want to agree to this relationship only to have a stable friendship torn asunder when things break down. Things are moving way too fast. But how do I slow things down without hurting her feelings? I'm no greenhorn when it comes to guys. I know how and when to apply pressure without cracking their psyche. I know when to release, and I know what I can and cannot do. But this is different. I can't just waltz in and out and expect hearts to remain whole and unbroken. AZY! Tell me what to do...I have no idea how to handle this. This is foreign territory to me. A whole new dance, and I don't quite know the steps.

Psychic Reflection

I was reading up on Islamic theology...and I found several...discomforting articles. Apparently, Islam disapproves of homosexual BEHAVIOUR. Not homosexual desires. The articles are rather wordy and full of religious jargon. I need time to process it through my rusty brain. My head's still spinning with all the technicalities and complications...at least now I know I'm not going to be sentenced to eternal damnation. I'm a bit slow today. I'm supposed to be at the flute rehearsal? Oh wells. Spent the entire day reading, in complete isolation, writing, reflecting, STUDYING, and just enjoying my solitude. Someone told me to pursue philosophy. Maybe I will. I'm too much of a thinker. My mind is my playground! =D Though sometimes I like to mess with other people's psyche too. Right, Gina? Heh. Everytime I think of him, my mood swings like crazy. So my solution is to push him out of my mind. =) It was never meant to be in the first place. Like the earth admiring the heavens, I shall keep my love buried deep within me. How fitting! NO wonder I'm in such a reflective mood. I'm listening to Yanni's Reflections Of Passion. And I just realised. -_- I'm almost as slow as Gina. =P Teacher's day is coming. I have yet to decide which school to grace with my presence. =D

Psychic Flow

I've got school tomorrow until 6 plus. Already dreading it. I'm still totally exhausted. Today went to eat dinner with Gina, Moomoo and Yiling. This is the second time in two days that I'm left feeling short-changed. And I'm beginning to think it's a sign. From Fate, from the guy up there, whoever. Whatever it is, I get the hint. So stop torturing me, all right? *sigh* I'm fine the way I am. I have flute rehearsal tomorrow. My mum called, told me to go, said I could get like 1500 bucks just for performing. Can you imagine? 1500 dollars in CASH just for playing the flute? Cool. I somehow think it was a bad idea to go talk to Aimi tonight. I feel even worse than I felt before I talked to her. Isn't talking supposed to be cathartic? Well, it wasn't. Talking about it brought back memories I'd rather have left forgotten. Some things just aren't meant to be. I can accept that, even if I don't like it. I've decided not to sleep tonight yet again. Instead, I shall FORCE myself to be happy. Do whatever it takes not to spiral down into that dark abyss called depression. I'll watch movies, I'll study, I'll eat happy food. I won't be a slave to my own feelings. Ok, my mind's going around in circles. I've given up on my story, which now has a 60page count on Microsoft Word. For the simple reason that even if I do get it published, my family would probably disown me. Things are pretty shaky for me at the moment. My mood swings are getting worse. Aimi tried to get me to talk about it, but...*sigh* Some things just refuse to get dredged up, you know? Everyone has personal demons they need to confront. Everything in its time, as Corrine May advises. I guess I'll just go with the flow for the moment. Drift wherever the wind takes me. Ok, my mood just swung again. =D Weird, but there you go. I read Guts by Chuck Palahniuk! Gross, gruesome, and a total work of art. It takes guts to write that kind of story, pun very much intended. It will touch every feeling in the emotional spectrum of a person. It's darkly humorous, it's got moments of sadness, it's basically written in a style which is very appealing. Minimalist literature, I believe it's called. =D I love my brain. It kicks in everytime I show signs of depression and releases endorphins. Kenneth! I owe you an apology...Yiling and Moomoo tricked me. That cow spilled curry on my phone! God, I was so stunned. Then, very very calmly, I wrapped my hand on his neck and squeezed his nape while Yiling cleaned my phone. Haha. My phone's clean and still functional, thank goodness. I'm considering going back to my alma mater for Teacher's Day. Considering how emotionally havoc I was back then, I'm not sure if that's a good idea. =x ANYWAY, I'm going to eat and watch shows and blast my stereo (yes, at this time in the wee hours of the morning. Screw the neighbours) study and see how long I can multi-task before I give up and fall asleep leaving everything on and blaring. There. Off I go.

Psychic Scrutiny

Just got back home. *yawn* I missed school today. I overslept, unfortunately. Nearly missed my meeting with Gina and Yiling too. Haha. I woke up at like 1? And we were SUPPOSED to meet AT 1. Haha. Woke up, saw that Hanafee called and messaged me while I was still snoozing. He's gonna nag when he sees me. -_- ANYWAY. I finally got enough sleep to feel energetic enough to move around for the whole day. Today was a rather cold day. It rained a lot. I LOVE the rain. Who doesn't? I know Phoebe loves drizzles, but I like my rain COLD and STORMY. =) Met up with Gina, Yiling and Poh Chuan at Mac. We studied. Then we saw Felix and Xiang Yee. Felix's friend is weird lah. I went to the toilet, cuz it was terribly cold, and there was this WEIRD awkward moment lah. I was drying my hands, and then he kept staring at me. -_- Weirdo. I had coke at Mac. That didn't help my bladder. Then Melissa and Weiyen came. I studied Physics. ANd I taught GINA! GINA! RIGHT? RIGHT? I taught U! Hahahaha. The questions 8 and 10 that had earlier stumped us. Ok, first off, I just have to say that All American Rejects' Move Along is a great anti-depressant. =) It's been playing non-stop on my stereo and my handphone and my com. Anyway, after Weiyen left, PC went off to cycle or something. So we walked around Kovan, reminiscing about the good old days. We walked here and there, did some window shopping, and then we went to Popular. And we made the mistake of reading some recipe books that had some totally divine shots of SOUFFLES and CAKES and generally things that make you hungry. So we went off to Azeera to fill our tummies. And Gina ACTUALLY counted the number of steps from Kovan to Azeera. Haha. We ate, then Chia Wee joined us, then we went home. I ATE okay. I didn't skip my meals. =) Kenneth lost his voice! Poor thing. Hope you get well soon, Kenneth! =) PC ah! I'm sorry I misjudged u ah! Haha.

Psychic Thoughts

I'm so proud of myself. I kept my temper today, at all the irritating idiots who find it amusing being obstacles in everyday life. Seriously, don't waste our air. -_- Anyway, I came home to find a fresh pack of Famous Amos cookies. And now I feel the guilt simmering inside me for being so mean to her, when in all honesty, it's obvious she cares about me. So there's water under the bridge. WHo cares? Haha. So there. The class didn't look strange after all. We wore blue, yeah, then we took photos, lots and lots of photos, then we laughed and made fun of the girls. Fares wore a light shade of brown. Cuz no one told him la. So he was like whining that nobody told him. Lol. Funny day. Which went downhill from there on. I glanced at the papers when I was home for a few hours. A man went around killing cats. He tied a rope to the cat's neck and swung it around his head?! Gosh, I'd like to do that to HIM! NUtzoid. He'll probably plead insanity or something. -_-;; THe depravity of man today depresses me. But since I'm gay, I'm already considered a sexual deviant, so I really have no ground to stand on. -_-;; I hope he gets punished well and good. At least send a message to animal abusers. Some kind of deterrence would be good. Like say electroshock therapy! Alright. I'm unnaturally tired for someone who just woke up half an hour ago. -_- So I'm going off to try and rebalance my body clock. I'm grateful for people like Kenneth, Gina, Yiling, Seif, Faekah, Nariysa, Yushaa, Elina! All my darlings! All my mini-suns! =D Ok, that was random, but haha! My mind is a flighty creature. Deal with it. =P

Psychic Flight

I was in a really bad place last night. The stress just hit me. I'm ok now. Thanks, Yushaa. =D Aimi was comforting too. =) I fell to pieces spectacularly yesterday, and now I have to pick the pieces up. =) I am after all, a creature of hope. =D I can't keep living life in the shadows of other people who might seem bigger. I have my own talents, my own interests, my own skills. =D Have faith in yourself, and let your dreams take flight. That's my motto in life. =D People around me are moving on forwards in their life. I ought to be moving on too. No sense living in the past, is there? NARIYSA! Let's go out with Kaka and Suhaila soon! =D I miss u guys loads! Now I'm going to finish up whatever's lying in the fridge, then I'm going to iron my BLUE shirt for school tomorrow. Kak Ayu's planned the entire class to be tricked out in matching blue suits for our teachers. That's gonna look strange, to say the least. Usually EVERYONE in the class wears black. Huh. New things, new things. =D Well, toottoot! I'm going off now. The fridge is calling.

Psychic Burnout

I can't be touched. Ever. By anyone. I won't. Allow anyone to get close to me. Don't touch me, don't hurt me, don't come close. Why am I this way? WHy do I hate being touched? What the freaking hell is wrong with me? I'm tired of being so scared all the time. God, I can't even sleep at night because I'm too scared! Screw the world, screw this life. I've been trying to avoid this for a long time. BUt I can't anymore! I can't. God damn you, if there was a way for me to track you down, I don't care how long it takes me, I'm going to find you. And make you pay for twisting me this way. I hate you. You...contaminated me. I hope you rot in hell.

Psychic Strain

Today's a bad day. I haven't slept in two nights, I think. I can't remember. My stomach is being a bad boy! And I have 10 minutes left to find the perfect present. -_- AND I lost all my writings when my computer died. Yay. That's what happens when you run many many many applications on a dinosaurean com. Ok, my brain cells are officially fried from stress. Yushaa! This is me being officially panicked! Ticktock! Eeck. EECK! How do I GET myself in these situations? Think, FuzzyWuzzy! THink! Oh no. I don't think well when I'm panicked. Ok. I can only cross my fingers and hope my infamous luck will bail me out this time. No use stressing over things I can't change. *deep breath* AAAAAHHHH!!! This is SO not happening to me! Nonononononono! I'm in a terrible nightmare! I'm going to wake up any minute now. Yes, that's it. Waking up anytime now........oh crap. That didn't work. Erm. ERM! Ok. I'm going to call Gina now and drag her out to help me pick the perfect present. WHY am I always given so little warning?!! Eeck. I'm thinking....girls like bracelets, right? RIGHT? Oh, wait. Skirt? Shirt? Jeans? NECKLACE? I am so screwed. -_- AAHHHH!!! I just realised the flute performance is TOMORROW! AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! I'm going to start running around like a headless chicken any moment now. >.<

Psychic Luck

Found this floating around my com. =D The good old days, huh. =) Malay co! Reformation!
Yay. Just got home. Went for dinner with Yushaa and Phoebe. We burst into peals of laughter every few minutes, Elina was having a bad day, so after dinner, we bought her a BLOCK of chocolate, Cadbury, of course, and went over to her place, sans Phoebe, since Phoebe had to catch the last bus. Lucky Phoebe! After giggling with Elina and managing to cheer her up (hopefully!) Yushaa and me were stranded. Last bus went trundling off without us. Haha. So we were reviewing our options at the bus stop, and Yushaa suddenly gave me HER look. That 'Mum trying to figure something out' look. Then she said, "You're way too relaxed." Haha. I am SO sorry, darling, but I tend to do that a lot. I dislike panicking and stuff, although I assure you I am fully capable of running around screaming my head off. =D And see? We turned out ok. =D I have faith in my infamous luck. Things have been very VERY pressing recently, and I have managed to keep my temper leashed. Score one for me. I can't make it to view the fireworks tomorrow with Yiling and company! =( I have the flute rehearsal, which starts at 8pm. Ok. My stomach is feeling very iffy at the moment. I am so stressed! WHY are there flutes with six, seven, eight holes? I can do eight, I can even do seven. But six? My expression when I first saw the flute=>-_- I can't wait to do dinner again. With Elina EATING with us. =D *hinthint* Don't worry, dahling, I hope you feel better soon. =D Pity your brother couldn't come out to talk to me, though. Sweating and shirtless and stuff. =P Alright...tomorrow's another pretty packed day. Coffee. Lots and lots of coffee needed tomorrow. I'm going off to watch Drawn Together! My favourite new show. I love XANDIR! <3

Psychic Shields

I am feeling very not ok at the moment. My stomach is misbehaving. Badly. Anyway, last night was a dismal failure. At least, that's how it seemed at first. Then Aimi and me went to Pizza Hut, had pizza, which totally cheered me up, and then we went to Compass Point. We met up with Seif and Qais and Qais' friend. And while we were at KFC, KENNETH called me and unexpectedly popped up out of nowhere. Surprise! He brought She Who Must NOt Be Named with him. She's more shy in person than on the phone. Haha. Anyway, it was a fun outing. Nice to meet up with SEif and Qais again. He's taller than me now. *frown* So the silver lining exploded out of the cloud and nearly blinded me. After that interesting day, I'm now contemplating between going home to make peace with my mum, or going to Sembawang to see how the kitties are getting along. This Thursday! Prata with my 3 lovely ladies. =D Yushaa, Elina and Phoebs. Can't wait to see all of them again. And probably going out with Yiling and Gina on Friday. The rest of the time, I've squandered away sleeping and watching the telly until my eyes are sore. SEriously. Well, at least I got rid of those stupid eyebags. Score one for me health. Oh, gosh. Friday's drawing nearer and nearer and all I've done is glance at my flute ocassionally. *panics* If anyone out there has any tips on the flute, please feel free to SAVE ME! I have no idea why I agreed to this. *shakes head* OK. I'm going to take some antacids before I float away to vomitland. Ta-ta.

Psychic Equilibrium

Ok, for every action, there must be an equal and opposite reaction. After my fiery temper this morning, I am now cool and calm like the spring rains. Tomorrow will be a day for me to balance out my bad karma. I'm temporarily suspending my piano in favour of my flute. Competition is drawing nearer and nearer, and I have barely glanced at my sheet music. This Thursday, Yushaa~ Haha. Dinner with Yushaa, Elina, and the sweet princess Phoebs. Yayness. I seriously have to start considering my options. Look before I leap, so to speak. Hmmm. I'm still tired, but I'll manage. I don't think I'll sleep tonight. Too much to do, too little time. Tsk. My only complaint today is that I can't seem to fit everything I want and NEED to do in 24 hours. I don't have time to sit quietly at my piano and reflect while I play. I don't have time for my piano! We need our time apart. =P While I have my secret affair with the flute. Ok, enough nonsense. I am going to fix me some snacks. And since I've completed my homework, with GINA and CHIA WEE at MAC, I shall now proceed to do some exercises. MATHS exercises. Not physical ones. =P I miss Kelly! Haven't seen her online for some time already. Hope things are going swell down at her end. =) Alright. Adios, amigos! Oh, gosh! Look at the time! EEep. Tomorrow will be a fulfilling day, no? *grin*

Psychic Storm

To intrude upon my personal space is to invite a flailing with the rough edge of my tongue. For all my sarcasm and sharpness, I am slow to anger, but when I do get this mad, particularly when I am dead exhausted and tired, and I haven't slept properly in days, the only sane thing to do is avoid me like the plague. It is at times like this that I have to keep reminding myself that it is the bigger man who walks away from the fight. To go with my emotions is to invite a firestorm. *sigh* I'm just exhausted and not in my best form at the moment. Sometimes a guy just needs time alone you know? No one else. SOme people just don't get that. I'm burning with barely controlled fury, and heaven help the next person who draws my wrath. I need to go somewhere green and lush to cool down. This is one fight I will not instigate, and the only viable option for me right now is to isolate the root of my discomfort. I pray for the patience of a saint. >.< I'll go bash something up, then I'll probably post again when I can breathe without wanting to spit fire.

Psychic Banishment

I went to school, had fun, then went home at 1pm. Then off we trundled to the hospital. I got the same doctor I had for my Holter machine! =) She talked to Auntie Gigie in Tagalog, while I started freaking out. When they strapped me to the table, I meekly asked them HOW they were going to administer the drugs. THe doc's reply didn't help! I quote, 'We're going to insert a needle in your vein...' Hahaha. You can imagine the look of horror on my face. Well, the test was a success, seeing as how I managed to pass out after 10 mins, when it was supposed to take an hour. Actually, I'm not sure if I passed out or fell asleep. Now that's what I call a bed! Tilted 70 degrees up. It was extremely comfortable, until my blood pressure plummeted. >.< *grin* Anyway, I feel really tired out now. I got my flute today too! Hurray. Now I can add to the stress mixer in my head. Going to study tomorrow with Gina. I really hope I can get up tomorrow afternoon. There's gonna be some family gathering at the Bedok house. Whoopee. Me painting on a fake smile and the entire family glossing over the cracks and dirt. I don't get why some people choose to ignore reality in favour of their ideals. I mean, ok, so you want perfection. But why strive for something you know is impossible? Call me a cynic, but there ya go. Gina! You're going out with me tomorrow! You hear? Ok, my mind's going in twenty million directions now, so I'm gonna cut this short. Ok, so it's not that short, but you know what I mean! I've decided to turn away from the shadows, and walk in the light. THat's all. My new philosophy. =) Karma, baby!

Psychic Resentment

Why is my life so plagued with darkness? I abhor stupidity and ignorance, and I really really despise my current situation. I am forced to bite my tongue and swallow my temper flares. My long-term goal right now is to someday buy a house where no one can force me to leave. I am so tired of living with the threat of being thrown out simmering at the back of my mind. First off, I have chronic insomnia. It's not that I don't want to sleep at night. I freaking can't. Sometimes I just don't feel tired. I can lie down and toss and turn for hours. It doesn't help that just as I drift off, some light-fingered annoyance bursts into my room every single morning. Like, hello? There's a reason why I lock that freaking door! "Click, crash, bang!" Light stings my eyes, and I get really pissed. And God forbid I leave my wallet lying around to be picked up and perused like some new invention that will change the world as we know it. Some people just don't know the meaning of privacy. I can't get enough sleep sometimes. Every day I wonder, how in the world am I going to continue living like this? Where every moment is spent trying to avoid a confrontation of epic proportions, where every weekend is spent shuttling between the different houses. I can't wait to grow the hell up, get a job and move out. I mean, it's like I'm staying with the embodiment of everything I hate! Crudeness, utter crass, tactlessness, total insensitivity, and not enough brains to tell when I'm ticked off. Ok, maybe I'm not easy to read, but hello? Surely you can tell when armageddon is about to rain down on you? I am getting more and more pissed with my situation. I can't stand it! Every freaking day. And here I thought I'd seen all the money-grubbing relatives I have. *snorts* Oh, my kingdom for that elusive trait called patience. I'm beginning to think I've used up my life's allowance of patience. *sigh* I've got to go get ready for school. And I have to somehow tell Aimi I can't go this Friday. It's hospital day. *sigh* I'm worn down to the bone as it is.