Psychic Upswing

The night is nice tonight, and the half moon is like a cheshire cat's grin against the velvet skies. The ice in my bottle tinkles softly as it melts, and I marvel once more at the unpredictability of my emotions. Two days ago I was hurt badly by two men I love deeply. It didn't matter that one was full of hugs and affection after three years of stony silence; it still hurt to know that he was in pain. It doesn't matter now, either. You chose to walk away, so it's fly or die, J. You weren't there for me when I needed you, so don't expect me to halt the world for you. I'm sorry if that sounds cold and cruel, but we both have separate lives now. I think it's better this way too. My replies were short and brief, to almost everyone for the better part of the day. I didn't have time to reply to J's message, though. Sorry. Anyway, I went down to see the piano I've been mooning over with my parents. Surprise, surprise, I wowed everyone when I sat down before my new obsession. I swear my dad's eyes grew as round as saucers. Granted, I haven't exactly given my best performances when I'm at home, mostly because the hammer action for my Challen has deteriorated badly. I'm not a big fan of Challen, to be honest. But my dad kept dragging me over to the Challen grand piano tucked away at the back of the showroom. I was still dead set on my upright Yamaha, though. Impressed some family who had come to purchase a piano for their young son. I was a bit shaken when I saw the way my dad looked at me. There was obvious pride and affection in his eyes as he watched me play. Of course, I kept my thoughts to myself. The other family came over too, and started twittering away with my mum. I was asked to play on different pianos so they could hear the various tones of the pianos in the showroom. I obliged only on my mum's gentle nudging, although I kept my eye on my piano. The other family had their eye on MY piano too! I hurriedly claimed that one, and they pulled me over to another piano they wanted. A high-end 5k piano which I honestly think is a waste of money. *shrugs* But then again...it's theirs to spend. So I'm trading in my Challen for the Yamaha. *drools* My parents had to drag me away from my new darling. I think I'll name it Yammy. I don't care where it goes, as long as I can play. I played the most complex pieces I could remember off the top of my head, and it sounded bloody marvellous. The notes flowed together well, and the touch and tone of the piano really appeals to me. Goodbye, Esplanade!
Also, this way my students can come to my house instead of me having to travel all the way down to Lakeside, which is like on the other end of the island. My mum whispered to me, "Make sure you put this piano to good use." Of course Mum! I can hardly wait until I get to run my fingers over the cool ivories again. Oh! Mrs Lim was hilarious. She wanted me to work for them, as a pianist for the people who come over to purchase pianos, to let them see which piano sound suits them best. My mum and I rolled our eyes when my dad enthusiastically agreed. I think my dad was a big factor in cheering me up yesterday. It was nice to see that all the harsh words he said to me out of anger earlier this year were untrue, at least in his mind. He's really proud of me, and that helped to elevate my mood tremendously. I think it is every child's major fear, that their parents think they are failures. Anyway, I want to have a piano party! I think I'm seriously in love with my new piano. I was in love with the old one until I moved out and had to leave it behind. Never mind. I have a new one, a better one, and I will cherish this latest addition to my room. There are very few things I can't live without. *grins* My writings, J's writings, my birthday cards from all my friends, the presents from this year's bash, my blue blanket (replaced with a white billowy sheet) and now...Yammy! I know that when Yammy arrives, his position will be permanent, so I'm still figuring out the wheres and hows. *gleeful* Goodbye horrendous monstrosity called the Casio keyboard! I'm throwing you into storage! I think I'll place Yammy in the middle of my room, where I can play and feel completely uncramped. Hmmm. I'll have to sleep on it. Yammyyammyyammy! Pianos are love. When I grow up, I'll have one piano for every floor in my oceanfront mansion in California. The cats will live in the attic, and I'll have plenty of room for everyone I care about. =)
J, it is almost three years to the day when the first cracks showed. I still love you as much, if not more. But sometimes I wonder if it's worth it to keep loving you.