Psychic Blaze

In case my friends don't know, I am a pyromaniac. I love fire. A lot. But it is not a side that I show often; it is only when open flames flicker before me that my eyes glimmer in response. I think part of the problem with me is that I can never say things straight out. I will hide meanings in sentences so vague and obscure that it often gets lost in translation. Often it takes on a whole new meaning without me realising it. So here it is. When I'm pissed off, my silence is deafening. It speaks volumes. That is me being pissed off. When I'm angry, then all hell will break loose. Because I can, and usually will attack you in all directions your head will spin before you even know what's going on. I hardly ever lose my temper, and even until now close friends like Seif and Gina, who have known me for years, have not seen me angry. I am not one to display emotions I deem negative, and the only one I really truly show is sadness. But tonight, as fire courses in my veins and stress threatens to choke me, I find myself a trapped animal. I do not like traps in general; it brings out the worst in me. With my back up to the wall, my claws unsheath themselves. In public, I can pass for a shadow. I fade away into nothingness because I like to observe the world without them observing me. Knowledge is power, and my intuitiveness is an advantage I often tap. But when I get this worked up, I do not shout. I never shout when I'm angry. Volume is not my weapon. My knowledge and quiet threats are. When I'm angry, no one else speaks. I have been known to create rifts so large they usually never close. This is part of the reason why I strive so hard to create a smooth, unruffled image. Do not assume, however, that a calm lake holds no horrors. Still waters run deep, and that old saying seems to have been invented just for people like me. We are often silent on matters of importance, and we revel in light, but push us up against the wall and witness how our predatory instincts kick in when you've gone far enough. And now I have reached the end of my line of patience. A warning to those who can never seem to read me: if my eyes turn red, and my silences are long and dangerous, back off. These are the warning signs you should never ever ignore. Because if you carry on with what you've been doing to piss me off, and fire consumes me, I will ignore all rules and boundaries to put you back in your place. My silence has gone on long enough. For all my attraction to fire, I am slow to anger. But when I get this hot, the one who has fired me up should stay out of my way until my anger has died down.
Tame the raging fires of my night, my love.

Psychic Stance

I went out for dinner with the three lovely ladies. Told Yushaa some of my health concerns, and then it was a gigglefest. We had better service than usual, thanks to someone's *ahem* assets. It's so hard to be a gay teen living in such a conservative society. *sigh* Tomorrow I'll get subtle hints again, since I'm going out for some family outing thing. Hey, girls. Let's play that cute card game again. Loser downs a shot of brandy. I'm in the mood to let loose. I'm rather mellow tonight. Perhaps I'll go to the reservoir and sit in harmony with the waters and the cloudy skies. I can rehearse my 'reasons for being gay' speech there too. *sigh* Is it that hard to accept the fact that people can and usually are different? I believe I can exhaust my intellect and English skills, constructing theories and spewing out facts, and still they will not consider the idea of a boy falling in love with another boy. Caught a documentary on 60 minutes, explaining a theory that a mother's womb remembers how many sons she's already had, and with each successive boy-birth, the likelihood that her next male child will be gay increases. Apparently, this is like nature's way of birth control. And there you go. Vindicated at last. In the cosmic scheme of things, everything and everyone has a part to play. It might not be immediately clear, but we all form a delicate balance. Small-minded bigots, racists, homophobic people...I cannot sit in front of them, and contemplate what goes on in their minds. What causes them to have such disgust/hatred? These differences are what colours the world we live in. After all, as they say, variety is the spice of life. That is why I fear persecution. I will be honest, I am afraid because I am different. And these differences mark me out as an easy target. Because of this, I try my hardest to project a masculine image to avoid unnecessary conflicts. But is this right? In this day and age, where people speak of equality for all, how many minorites are living in fear? The implications are many. Make of it what you will. I will not bow down because I am different. It is these differences that separate us and make us unique. Perhaps these demons of prejudices and ignorance may never truly be vanquished, but I hope the people around me will not succumb to them. I'm taking a stand for myself, to make it clear that I will hide no longer. Persecute me, but I'd rather die standing than live on my knees worshipping everyone else's vision of normalcy. I am different, and I embrace my differences.
Do you love me for who I am, or do you love me for who you think I am?

Psychic Passage

Ah, time. How you mock us so. Making fools out of all of us. Your passage brings wisdom to some, pain to most, and death just that much closer. I accept this death. All my friends can contest that, but in my heart of hearts, I know I will do nothing. Perhaps say a prayer or two, for the remains of what once was, but I'll walk away from the grave and I'll never look back. Call my name if you need me, my psychic twin, but I know we both have our own lives to lead. Once our lives intertwined, but now we've unravelled the threads that once connected us, and we must seek out our individual destinies. I will not stop you, but know that this is not the end. As time slips past me unnoticed, and takes away all I hold dear, I believe I've grown immune to his tricks. Today is Friday, but I feel no joy. The day so far has been filled with a myriad of emotions, all too jumbled up to identify every single one. I shall miss him, that bond we shared, that closeness. I owe Kit for my current ability to accept. And surprisingly enough, today I examined the deep recesses of my heart and realised...no, I do not hurt anymore over the loss of an angel. Perhaps I still love, but I no longer want. That particular wound has healed. =) Today Aimi asked me out. So Kovan it is. And after we've met up, I'm going to study with Yushaa. My mental skills are back in tip-top shape, and I am completely on form today. When I'm in this kind of mood, the world can collapse around me and I'll restore it with a snap of my fingers. And for the record, I'm tired of being the 'psychic', the one who senses troubled emotions and mends broken hearts the instant they're broken. For once, I want to be the one who knows nothing and allow other people to read me and mend my broken fences.
Is this a gift or a curse?

Psychic News

The clock keeps on ticking. Tick...tock. Tick...tock. And yet, I live my life as though I'm a free spirit, not bound by rules and time. Today I awoke at 10am. Watched Charmed and some cartoons, then went off home. Got re-acquainted with my darling piano, then had a hearty brunch. Meat galore! Yumyum. Then worked my magic on the computer, and voila. A presentation all ready to go. Recorded some songs on Elina's mp3 player, but it doesn't seem to like my computer. Branche-toi? (heheh) Nothing works. Oh, while I was home, I chanced upon some newspapers that magically appeared out of nowhere! *dramatic gasp* Apparently some highly intelligent guy was caught for some credit-card related offence. Tsktsk. His IQ is 160, and he stoops to petty crime. *smacks forehead* Intelligence is a great advantage in today's competitive world, and some people use it in all the wrong ways. And yes, I read an article my aunt pointed out to me. Gay Singaporeans seeking aylum overseas. I used to quote Penal Code 377A all the time, particularly during my secondary three year. I even wrote an article which our English teacher Mr Lawrence asked me to mail to the Straits Times. I thought, and still think that it is a ridiculous law that makes all gay sex illegal. At least add some specifics to it if you want to protect the innocent. Don't outlaw consensual gay sex. But to go as far as seeking asylum overseas...I don't understand that bit. I mean, sure, our society's still pretty conservative. But time has brought change, and I believe we've evolved towards a more open-minded nation. I'm glad that the issue of Penal Code 377A has finally been brought into the spotlight, and I can't deny that I hope it'll be modified, or perhaps taken down altogether. Anyway, the mental clock is ticking. THe pressure is on! Exams are round the corner! Ah, I'll panic once they're over. Haha. Phoebe suggested I look in the papers for ads seeking pianists/keyboardists. I don't mind a bit of writing either. Hmm. I have a lot to turn over in my mind tonight. I shall chill out to the greatest website ever created! www.peekvid.com Check it out, y'all! Fizzle, out!

Psychic Outage

For once, my powers of deduction and foresight have failed me. I did not see this coming. I, with all my skills at precognition and evaluation, I who prepare myself mentally for every possible outcome, have finally failed to foresee the death of an exquisite relationship. No, that is not entirely true. I think I knew all along. I just blinded myself to truth and remained oblivious to the slow deterioration of a friendship. Although it pains me, I know my inner light remains strong and unwavering for today. Is it true that the greater the man is, the more magnified his mistakes? Yes, I think it is. My 'telepathy', or psychic skills or whatever it is that allows me to read people and gauge their reactions, have failed me. Life is relentless in its quest to strengthen. I had a dream last night...I dreamt I was flying away from a field. But my cousin and relatives were chasing me, and they brought me down. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to decipher the meaning of the dream. There are very few people who share a telepathic bond with me. Perhaps not telepathic per se, but you know...when you speak, the other person completes your sentence. Or you frequently say the exact same thing at the exact same time. Or you just exchange a look, and that is all that is needed. Speech isn't the only form of communication. Until now, there are only three people who share that bond with me. Kelly, Kenneth and Seif. Among the four of us, Seif and I were the ones who were always up to mischief. A glance, a flash of understanding, and we'd proceed to wreak havoc with our practical jokes and pranks. *sigh* Well, now I'm going to go and prepare myself for yet another day of being dragged around smiling at relatives I don't even know. Strangling myself repeatedly seems like a better way to spend the day. *sigh* Oh, psychic muse...have you left me forever?
I miss you, Seipo.

Psychic Words

Once a man came across a cocoon. He sat and watched as the butterfly struggled to emerge from a small opening in the cocoon. He watched for a long time, and then the butterfly appeared to have given up. The man decided to help the butterfly, so he used a pair of scissors to cut the cocoon open. The butterfly then emerged easily. The butterfly appeared to have a swollen body and tiny shrivelled wings. The man continued watching the butterfly, expecting it to fly off at any moment, waiting for the body to contract and the wings to expand. Nothing happened. The butterfly was never able to fly. What the man failed to realise was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to squeeze through the small opening was nature's way of forcing fluid from the butterfly's body into its wings so it was prepared for flight when it was finally free of its cocoon. This story touched my heart, because its moral is simple, yet the story itself weaves that moral into a beautiful passage. We need to learn how to struggle to overcome obstacles. We'd never learn anything if it was too easy. As night winds down, giving in to morning, I say goodnight to old friends and good morning to new ones. I will always be here, my friends know where to find me should they wish to seek me out.
fade away.

Psychic Instincts

I find illusions intriguing. You can only fool someone for so long. After that, well. The mirror cracks, and you find yourself running away from the mess. While I enjoy these games of hide and seek, I do not like it when people keep alluding to the fact that I have many sides and that my illusions are one of the hardest to crack. It is true that when the mood strikes me, I can drive a man crazy with my words alone. It is true, that when I lose my temper, I twist and turn and spin words around to choke a person's breath off. But it is also true that my temper hardly ever escalates so fast or so easily that it causes me to torture someone in such a way. The last time I did this was two years ago. And it is something I still regret. So do not doubt my instincts when it comes to illusions. It takes a rare illusionist to fool me. My instincts are almost always right. And tonight I'm glad my gift came in handy. No more shall be said, and I consider the matter closed as of this moment. As I type, my family has already departed and left. I'm alone in Singapore, and preparing to celebrate Hari Raya by my lonesome as my family leaves to visit my ailing grandpappy. My list of lifetime regrets is long, and me not going to visit him ranks pretty much up there on that list. I suddenly feel so terribly sad. He was always nice to me. When my father and I had a huge and terrible fight a long time ago, he brought me to this sparkling waterfall and sat down with me. No words, just us and nature. It was the first time I truly saw beauty. As water gushed down and spilled into the basin, I knew that was a moment of pure connection. Have I let him down? By not being there to hold his hand as he goes through a terrible period in his life? He's having his voicebox removed. But that's ok. I don't consider speech to be the only form of communication. What's not ok is that I'm not there for someone I care about. Guilt is a terrible thing to live with. *sad* That's ok. I'll call my parents tomorrow. Yushaa, Elina and me went to the jetty at Bedok Reservoir. I was pretty panicky at first (I have a HUUUUGE fear of deep water), but I eventually got over it and looked out at the gently lapping waves. It soothed me, and for a moment, a brief shining moment, I transcended mortal pain. Thanks, Kenneth, for the soothing words of comfort. You bear, you. *hug* Thanks, Elina. For being the one who keeps us all sane when we lose our heads. Thanks, Yushaa. For reminding me that even the strongest of us needs help sometimes, and the weakest may yet find a deep well of untapped potential. You're the glue that holds us together.
I trust my instincts, I want you to trust me. But if you can't, remember me when you look out at the endless sea.

Psychic Attunement

I'm at peace tonight. Being at the reservoir, feeling the gentle breezes swirl through the otherwise still air...it made me realise how very fleeting life's precious moments are. I resolve to treasure these moments, adorn them on my soul like silvery drops of pearls. I felt so attuned to the ageless calm that envelops the place, that all my troubles just seemed to melt away and sink into the ground. We had fun. I love them all. Elina, Yushaa, Phoebe. I just feel connected to everything when I'm there. We munched on some snacks, drank a lot of Pepsi, and I watched the waves. As the bats and nightbirds wheeled around overhead, and rats scurried around in the grass, I felt the anger in my heart give way, and all that rage and unresolved pain was eased. Even if just for a while. It is my place of peace. Like I said, anywhere green and lush, preferably with calm waters and a steady breeze, it just pulls me in. Like some kind of siren call. So yeah. I'm at peace tonight. Had fun with all the ladies! Explored Yushaa's tickle zones, tickled her to death, wrestled with Elina (you read that part correctly. Good God, that woman is strong!) and poked fun at Phoebe. I hope they had fun too...oh, and cute guys? Please stop jogging there! You're terrible distractions! My eyes...my eyes just keep following your paths! Haha. Just kidding. . .we blasted really cheesy music, had a terrible DJ who kept changing the songs like every few seconds, and of course! We do what we always do best! We talked about guys! =D Tomorrow...Kenneth! Don't forget our date! =P Phoebe was so calm and cool (read: blur! and dazed!). She drawled, "Oh, look. A lizard came and took our Twisties." I don't mind lizards all that much, so I didn't really look. We were all on our backs, and then, and THEN I got up to get something, and I saw this HUGE FAT RAT come up and snatch Twisties right out of the pack! Riiight, Phoebe. A lizard. With fur and a bald tail. *waits for screams* I KNOW! I was screaming my head off and yelling like nobody's business. That rat stole our 2 dollar Twisties! *scandalised* I don't know...there was something strange about the waters today. There was like a clear shining path cutting across the reservoir waters. Cool, but intriguingly spooky. I love that place. =) I'm going off to sleep now to plan my weekend of mischief. Me leprechaun+elf! Ok, that's random. Oh, shut up. Haha. Me going to bed now. My corner is calling for me! I'm so glad to have had the chance to enjoy nature's beauty with my friends. =) Guten nacht, bon soir, good night.

Psychic Farewell

As the inky blackness of night flows around me, I evaluate what I've done so far. I remember telling someone once: My heart is a maze of mirrors. Each mirror reflects what I want, but it is not the true object of my desires. It was the first time I told someone what I thought. Tonight my mood is a strange mix of sadness, regret and longing. If only I had not been so cruel, if only I had not been so vicious. If onlys are good only in hindsight. In my current mood I would be perfectly content to stand on a breakwater and allow a deluge of ocean waves to crash over me. The stars are hidden among the clouds tonight, and I find it fitting. A wave of darkness obscures the world, and I surrender myself to Night's embrace. It is odd, that for all my impulsiveness, I have yet to delete our shared history. Many times, I find myself staring at that delete button, and my finger wavers over the keypad, wanting to end it so much, but not wanting to lose the last link I have to the man I love. Yes. The angel I loved so much is just a man. An angel without wings, he is still just a man. I spill these words and thoughts freely...let them slide down into a dark pit of nothingness. The seconds drift by...my ears are filled with a resounding boom. The sound of barriers crashing down, of illusions falling into dust. For all the pain I endured, his touch healed me. When I felt furious and reckless, his eyes calmed and grounded me. I am older than he, yet he was the wise one. Perhaps this was his last gift to me. The gift of wisdom through pain. Do you not know mon amour, that behind that facade of anger I was frightened? Frightened that I would lose you. That fear made me react in stupid ways. I pushed you to the edge, and even then you tried to save me. I wish you well on your path of life, and as I walk away from the castle of memories, know that it was you who gave me the key.
One day I will see you, one day I will care. One day I will seek you, but you won't be there.

Psychic Boost

Woo. I skipped school again today...BUT! Before you start jumping to conclusions, I spent the day studying. Ok, not day, but I did in the evening! I got a huge boost from Yushaa, who patiently sat me down and tried different styles of studying for me. Reading, visualisation, et cetera. You get the point. So I have a teensy weensy bit of confidence in my Chemistry section, and I am counting on my Physics to bring my total up. Meeting Shawal tomorrow to go to our exam together. Today my friends really gave me a huge boost to my confidence and understanding of chemistry. This next few weeks we really have to get each other to start studying. Elina's A level exams are just round the corner. Mine's already staring me straight in the face. Tonight I shall not STUDY. I will review what I have learnt to fix it in memory. I ought to study with Yushaa more! She simplifies concepts so easily! *marvels* Oh, and we crashed Yushaa's lecture. Microbiology and organisms. Viruses and stuff. Interesting though, and the lecturer repeated the same question I asked Yushaa. Ah, something to do with anti-bacterial soap and the natural flora. Too lazy to type it out. We're all burnt out from the mental gymnastics today. Going to get all my material and spread it out in front of me. Easy reference. Went back to Yuying today...saw Mr Neo and Mr Cheah. We only stopped by cuz we needed the toilet. =P So anyways, here's wishing me and all the examination candidates a hearty dose of good luck for the coming O's. *cheers* I shall go all out and try my best to ace the exams, then celebrate my efforts with...Christmas boozing! *nudges gang* Let's go get drunk after we're all done with the exams! Hooray! I shall finally have some standing after breaking out of my circle of stagnation. And silence all you critics! *smacks* Gina, Shawal, Liling! All of us retaking! Let's go all out! *vroomvroom* And good luck, my dearest frister Elina. *hug* THis is like so cool. Me actually taking an interest in conformist academics. *marvels* Ok, anyways. Going off now to review my mental exercises for the day. =)
Thank you, guys. For everything. <3

Psychic Friendship

As day turns to night, time flees before my failing sight. I am content tonight. Missed school, but as an angel last night told me in my dream, I have to have faith and confidence in myself. I don't know what possessed me to speak of Gabriel to Elina...after all, let's face it, I'm not the epitome of religious righteousness. This evening, when my darkness swelled up and threatened to overwhelm me, I took a deep breath and counted to ten before speaking. Managed to calm the dark rage inside me, and for a minute, I was stunned by how people can blind themselves so. Only choose to see what they wish to see. I am this way too. And it puzzles me so. Alright. Enough ramblings. I look nice today. *grin* Which prompted BOTH Phoebe and Elina to ask where I was going. *rolls eyes* One after the other. Jeez, people. I just felt like dressing up to suit my mood. Haha. Ok...Malay Co, listen up. We're invited to Hidaya's JC carnival. Tickets are ten bucks apiece, and we'll be going as a group. Contact me for details, cuz I have to confirm the number of attendees with her by this Friday. Alrighty. My cousin's asked me to play Diablo2 with him online at 11...but I think I'll decline and go watch FRIENDS instead. Generous Elina lent her VCDs to me! *hugs* And kindly Phoebe lent me her speakers and adaptor for the keyboard. Excellent. And FYI, I did not put anything in my hair today. It just naturally stood up in that mohawk thingy. I have no idea why. Okies. Anyway, going to munch on food now while watching FRIENDS. And if you think, I'm not stressed over the coming examinations, just ask Gina about my frantic SMSes. Lol. Spider, huh, girl? Interesting analogy. Ok. Going off now. Toodles. I LOVE MY FRIENDS! <3

Psychic Inebriation

Friday nearly turned out to be a disaster. With multiple changes to the schedule, panic over the location...etc. But we still pulled through and yes! We went to the reservoir. Bought Bacardi, and Elina brought Chivas Regal. I had fun watching (and helping!) Yushaa force liquor down Phoebe's throat, then went off to pick Elina up. Nearly had a heart attack after leaving Yushaa with Phoebe, both of them already not thinking clearly. Haha. Well, in the end I had a tad too much to drink too. So I rolled around the grass calling Yushaa a bitch, while she spewed the F word with each slurred sentence. I vaguely remember dancing with a lamp post, and running around while Elina went chasing after me. She was like, "Faiz! Get back here or I WILL slap you!" Lol. And according to Elina, I fell into the drain. That part I don't remember. I do remember talking about angels with Elina. Yushaa and me were arguing over the bottle, then Elina threw it away. I went, "Yushaa, she threw it away!" Yushaa was going, "Nooooo!" Haha. Then everyone started puking, and I sobered up fast. Haha. Cuz after all, I was the only guy there. Had to take care of my ladies. I cleaned the poncho, shook crumbs and spills off it, and went back to help Phoebe puke. Yushaa was all like, "I hate you..." Moanmoan pukepuke. Packed our rubbish into plastic bags, walked haphazardly to the dustbin, and went back to pack our stuff which was all over the place. Poor girls. I made a snap decision to have them crash at my place nearby, and off we all went. I was fighting my drunken state with every step la. Haha. Could barely walk straight, but seeing Yushaa so shaken up gave me strength. Had to be strong for her. So anyway, they crashed at my place till 6am. We sent Yushaa on a cab home at her insistence at 3am. Elina's dad came to pick her up at 6, and I walked a perfectly sober Phoebe to the bus stop. We were all worrying over the consequences, but miraculously, everything fell into place. No probing questions from guardians, and everyone got off scot-free. *throws confetti* I seem to remember calling a few people on my handphone and saying I love you. Eeck. Tomorrow we're all converging at my place to discuss some 'hanging' issues. Ah. I presume this has something to do with that angels bit. Saturday, hung out with Malay Co. Had fun, although my stomach was queasy so I didn't eat. We went around laughing at odd moments, and poked fun at Faekah. Haha. So next outing will include an arcade session, alright? =D I enjoyed myself over the weekend. Plenty of things to do in the coming months. *crosses fingers*

Psychic Elevation

Tomorrow is Friday! TGIF and all. But more to the point, tomorrow is when we release all our inhibitions and the facades fade away. *crosses fingers* Saturday? Hmm. Should I go to the hospital on Saturday? *wonders* Is it worth the trouble? We'll see. Having all my lovely ladies here yesterday cheered me up immensely. Yushaa, Elina and Phoebe. We chilled at my place, rocked out to songs, and I was victimised! *gasp* For being the only guy! Seif is upset with me, I think. For missing yesterday's social outing at school. But hey, it was worth it. And I'd rather spend my day with people who know me well than with people who don't get me. I'm going over to school at 9 today. Hopefully I'll be able to deflect probing questions well enough to evade the issue of my frequent absenteeism. Seif of all people should know how impulsive I am. *sniff* Hmm. Screw the hospital. I'm going out with Malay Co on Saturday! Malay Co, notice! Meeting at 4pm at Compass Point. Any objections please contact me ASAP. Hopefully my inner light will be full of sparkles and sizzles come tomorrow's 'let's get high' session. Been enjoying the past few nights of sound, dreamless rest. I think my body clock finally adjusted itself. I think Vertical Horizon is so nice to listen to! Currently enjoying the vibes from You're A God. =) Music soothes the savage beast. Alright...I'm going to toodle off to get ready for school.

Psychic Scar

Am I terribly cruel and evil? My temper is fiery and unpredictable. My emotions whirl and swirl around my being like a flock of ravens that refuse to be tamed. As night takes over the land, and the moon rises in unearthly glory, I wish to become her. Glowing gently, I wish to rise over my troubles and remain steadfast and true. Yushaa and me saw blood on the moon last night. A full moon, no less. Trouble looms ahead. Elina asked me if I was mad at my family. My own answer surprised me. It was a yes that came from the heart. And yet, my anger is not justified. They have been blinded by ignorance, and it is not their fault. I cannot change them, I cannot strip the cobwebs from their eyes. I have lost my spark, I have lost that fire deep in my heart. I have lost faith in him. My angel. Fallen from grace because he wrested his freedom from my hands. He's taken flight, and I live in his shadow. I shall drown my sorrows this Friday. Perhaps earlier if I rescind the offer of friendship tomorrow. Damn this heart of mine. I breathe darkness in with every breath, and as it consumes me, my mind replays our sweet memories in a desperate attempt to banish the dark. I who have been labeled psychic, I who see more than most, I who strip illusions to the bone, have failed to see truth in its most natural form. My own emotions have blinded me to the truth, have served to fool me. My own senses were tricked by my unwillingness to face truth. I bow my head in shame as reality scars me. I'm sorry for everything.

Psychic Threads

A thread of calmness weaves itself around my aura, like a gentle streak of cooling wind. It is not often that I feel this strange calmness flowing around me. Surprisingly, I fell asleep last night at around 10pm. Yes, yes. Somewhere far far below, hell has frozen over. I went for dinner with my family yesterday. Stuffed myself full. Thanks Melissa, for teaching us Accounts and for being so patient! =D Dad sent me home, and I promptly curled up on my corner and fell asleep after talking to Yushaa. Made plans to get sozzled this Friday. I can't wait! Celebrating Elina's graduation! Aww...our baby's all grown up! =D On a more serious note, I've decided to take the reins and steer myself away from the circle of stagnation that has long held me captive. Which means I'm going to school on time today. *cheers* The threads which appeared separate and irreconciliable have finally woven together and the strands are part of a bigger picture. I took the plunge and finally talked to him. He inquired after my health, and told me to keep him posted. *sigh* Well, if wishes were horses, men would fly. Some threads are stubborn, and you either have to cut them out, or you adjust your weaving. You can't allow a few stray strands to ruin an entire weaving now, can you? The morning sun is peeking over the horizon, and I can see the glow from where I sit in quiet contemplation. I feel rested. I feel...like a weight has been lifted from my heart. That talk we had brought closure. It is a bittersweet feeling. For the first time in months, I've woken up refreshed. Too often, we don't realise the value of water until the well runs dry. Hmm. Today...lunch with Yushaa and Elina and Phoebe. Hopefully Queen Dominic will grace us with his divine presence. I end school early. *muses* I was planning to go home and get re-acquainted with my piano. Maybe I still will. The nightmares have run their course, and suddenly the whole world seems full of renewed hope. It's a fresh spring after a harsh winter. The wheel of life has come full circle yet again. And I rejoice in the rebirth of life.

Psychic Wish

I wish, I wish. That we'd never met. That you'd never touched my heart in a million different ways, that you'd never been so sweet and gentle and understanding. I wish I'd never pushed you away, that I'd never hurt you so much the roses withered and died. The memory burns, when I recall the months of sweetness and closeness we shared. Can old links be reforged? Can withered bonds be renewed with hope and new life? Can it? I wish, I wish. Promises were broken, hearts were wounded. Life came to a standstill. The world spins on its axis, but time has stopped for me. The gentle teasing, the laughter we shared over simple things, the regret that came later. It was all an illusion...or so you'd have me believe. But the peace you gave me was no illusion. Had we never met, we both would have been spared much pain. But you taught me to love, and how to be held. Sometimes we were so close, our hearts beat as one. You'd go to sleep with me by your side, and you'd whisper how we'd never part as your eyes closed. Yet we did. I wish, I wish. You'd come back to me.

Psychic Weakness

Damn it. Been feeling ill these two days past. Same symptoms. Wondering if it's worth the trouble to call the hospital. But I keep forgetting. Conveniently, of course. Shit. I hate hospitals. Sickhouse for the ill and infirm, who go there once it's too late. Brings back a wave of bad memories. My spirit willing, but my flesh weak. *snorts* Let's just cross fingers and hope this wave of weakness fades away to nothingness, like everything else I curse. Been having terrible nightmares to accompany my increasing periods of sleep. Like today, for instance. Needless to say, all my dreams are disturbing and pretty graphic. So if you have a weak heart or stomach, here's where you click that little X at the top right hand corner of the page. Well, in this dream, I was trapped in a gigantic castle on a cold dark winter's night. Obviously, someone was chasing me, as in all my dreams, so I flew out a high window, and suddenly the scene changed. I was on this structure which was over a rushing river, and there were all these sharp rocks littered below. Some law officers were negotiating with this murderer, who'd apparently kidnapped a lot of children. He opened a door behind him, and three children came out. The first two stood still, but he told the third one to sing. So this boy started singing a lullaby. He crawled on his hands and knees, and still singing, he crawled to the edge and fell to his bloody and disturbing death on the sharp rocks below. The other two children looked strangely calm, and I was screaming my head off in my dream. Then suddenly, the murderer disappeared. There were...*gulp* bodies roasting over a spit. We wanted to know if they were human kids, cuz the bodies looked like chicken. Don't ask. So I went back inside the castle, and asked my uncle (DON'T ASK!) how to tell the difference. Cuz apparently in my dream, my uncle is not allowed to eat meat on Fridays. I asked, "How do you tell the difference between meat and fish?" His reply was a baffling, "Goose!" Somehow, in my dream, that made sense, so I rushed out to the officers, and they were EATING the things roasting over the spit. Can we like puke, please? Why are all my dreams so vividly disturbing? Eeck. So anyway, I have decided to ignore my illness and hope it goes away. So there. No hospitals for me. Getting my physics results tomorrow. Here's hoping I do well. *cheers* Oh, lunch with Dominic, Elina, Phoebe and Yushaa next Monday. Cool. All the way across the freaking island. *fumes* Who's bright idea was that?! Now I am going off to play my piano and watch the shadows creep across my room.

Psychic Undulation

The night is still young! I know this is my second post tonight. Shut up! I'm bored, all right? I finished soaking up heat and water in my bathroom. An explosion of steam when I opened the door. To school I go today! (Ignore me if you want, I've flushed my prozac down the toilet) Hohoho! Christmas in June, snow in March. Me going to school today! Let the freezing of hell start now! *clapclap* PEOPLE! MALAY CO people, to be specific! Your replies please! So far only Nari, Hidaya and Faekah have replied. Pick up that phone, and call me ASAP! Chopchop! Speaking of chops...*mouth waters* Huh. I'm bored. Like duh. I've finished watching all my favourite movies. I miss KENNETH! <3 Kenneth boy! Let's go out soon! *bored* I'm waiting for sunrise. Oh, shut up! I know it's still a few hours away! Hope there aren't any surprise tests today. That would be bad. *shake head* I'm going to study. ON SATURDAY. Hey, I don't study often, but when I do, I use all my brainpower solving complex problems. My moods undulate like a cat on a waterbed. Hohoho! Yushaa had a venipuncture (?) lesson today. Eeck. I hate needles! She poked someone today! HAHAHAHA! That just came out wrong. =P Not that I'm complaining. *innocent* Heard Dominic offered his arm up for puncturing. Madness. I mean, "You wana stick that needle in me? Here, go right ahead. Make sure you don't rip out my vein, now!" Top it off with a bright smile, and a "Would you like fries with that?" EEw. No needles near me, thank you very much. Now waiting for the salicylic acid to dry up. Tralala~ Speaking of which, practical examinations start in October! *gasps* It's like 15 days away! That's slightly more than two weeks away! *hums* And to be honest, I couldn't really care. Hahaha! Oh, stop nagging already. Hmph. I'm going to study now. See? SEE? I DO study. I don't just build castles on clouds. So there! Now I'm going to alleviate my severe symptoms of chocolate deficiency while studying. Toodles!

Psychic Technopath

I am currently running a virus check on my computer, which for some reason keeps restarting every ten minutes. Damn you, adware slash trojan slash whatever else pops up! While I'm blasting these viruses to bits, I can't play my latest game! *sulk* I Of The Dragon. *gush* A really, really cool game! It's like RPG, but you're a mythical DRAGON! Isn't it cool? *gushgush* I've spent hours honing my skills at flying and breathing fire down on those monsters! I was just about to advance to the next level when my computer restarted on me. Damn it. Ooh. Virus scan complete. I have 56 threats on my computer. *deletedeletedelete* Where was I? Oh, yeah. I Of The Dragon. I LOVE THIS GAME! I'm going jogging with Phoebe on Thursday...do I hear sniggering? -_- Hey, I used to be an excellent runner okay! I had speed and stamina! I will regain that! Just need to work on that a bit. =D Tomorrow...school. >.< Gonna get my head lopped off. Elina and Phoebe came over yesterday! We watched The Exorcist, Fight Club, Thirt13en Ghosts, and Satanic! 3/4 of the shows we watched were of the horror genre. Hope we didn't give Phoebes nightmares. Haha. The Exorcist was so cool! Freaky, but cool! Linda Blair is such a talented actress. I'm still not convinced the Devil is such a badass. I mean, he disobeyed God once, and we're all looking down on him? Hey, we do the same practically everyday. *smirks* ANYWAY, now that I've won the virus war, I'm going to play IOTD. Made plans for Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Tomorrow will be taken up by school. *grumbles* I have become...*gasp* a gadget freak! I want everything technological! Including that new Creative salesman! *evil laughter* Okok, I'm going to blast monsters with my fiery breath before I get bored and start waxing lyrical about 'How High The Moon'. =P

Psychic Fun

I've been chilling a lot recently. Nose still clogged and stuffed. Eyes getting redder by the minute as we speak. But I'm still having a blast alone in my room. Went crazy over some tests at random websites. Here's a sample: 'Congratulations, Crys!Your IQ score is 131! Your Intellectual Type is Insightful Linguist. This means you are highly intelligent and have the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.' My EQ is also 131. *wonders* And here I read that people with high classic IQ have low EQ...And more!=> Known for your creative powers, you Muses are the poets and musicians of life, the patrons of the fine arts. It's funny, though — even with your inspirational prowess, you're probably not the type to boast about your guitar-strumming skills, or your latest published book of verse.While it's great when people flock to you for ideas, there probably is a part of you that prefers to blend in sometimes — whether dressing in muted shades or staking out a one-on-one conversation at parties and social events. But try as you might not to hog the spotlight, others can't help but notice you. Must be hard to be such a goddess! Despite any lingering modesty, you might be surprised at how much your mere presence can help improve the lives of those around you by infusing them with ideas and good thoughts. With that kind of healing energy, your inspirational ways have the potential to change the world, Muse. Whether you're scribbling sonnets, boogying with your friends, or drawing your own constellations — you're tapped in. So keep your eyes wide open to the possibilities and let that inspiration flow! Haha. I find these tests amusing. All courtesy of Tickle.com. Here's another I just completed: Your subconscious mind is driven most by Love. Your instinct to love and be loved is rooted very deeply in your subconscious and affects most of the decisions you make in life — whether you are aware of it or not. You inspire people to experience their true feelings of love and act kindly towards others. You also value your personal relationships more than most people. Your unique capacity to love may be greater than those around you, which means you may have more to give in relationships than your friends or romantic partners do. Your psyche is very rich; the more you learn about it, the more you will understand who you really are. *yawns* I'm sleepy. Going to nappynapnap now. Dreamland beckons. Hopefully inspiration will root itself in my mind and I shall wake up ready to tackle my dusty assessment books. =P Ooh...Elina just called. Crash party at my place. Hopefully with Yushaa and Phoebe. =D And here's one more!

You Are 96% Intuitive

Your intuition is so spot on it's scary!You can learn a lot about people and situations, simply by listening to your gut.And you've even wondered if you can predict the future at times.Just be sure not to always listen to your intuition... someday it could be wrong!

How Intuitive Are You?

Psychic Caution

I'm sorry, Yushaa. =/ Enough has been said, and no more shall be mentioned. I hope you feel better rested tomorrow. Right. Today...went out in the evening with Malay Co. Nariysa was the first to arrive, followed by Suhaila and finally me. We went to Tampines Mall and had Long John Silver for dinner. Seif and Faekah joined us there. It was ok, and another outing is in the works, this time including Shawal and Hayat who couldn't make it today. My nose is still clogged, though, and I think it's because of the cats I always play with. =x I keep sneezing! =/ I think Phoebe might be right. =/ I don't eat healthily. Perhaps it's time to consider those...icky fruits and vegetables. Eew. It was nice to go out with Seif today and see that our old bond is still present. We communicate without speech. Haha. I ate little and drank green tea. It was nice to see all these people again after months of incommunicado. I get this niggling feeling that a storm is brewing, but I cannot see which direction it's coming from. The sensation that trouble is just around the corner, of a magnitude I cannot yet gauge. *cautious* As the moon waxes towards fullness, I must keep my guard up against undesirable circumstances. I cannot shake off the feeling that I've triggered a firestorm. There is nothing I can do at the moment except prepare myself for the eventuality of trouble. Anyway, Nari says I've grown more muscular! =D Everyone's been saying that recently. =D I'm really sorry, Yushaa. And I feel awful about it. I'll make it up to you. Dinner? Je suis desole, mon ami. =( All right. I'm going off now to eat. Feeling a bit faint, and I don't want to spend the whole day today asleep.