Psychic Instincts

I find illusions intriguing. You can only fool someone for so long. After that, well. The mirror cracks, and you find yourself running away from the mess. While I enjoy these games of hide and seek, I do not like it when people keep alluding to the fact that I have many sides and that my illusions are one of the hardest to crack. It is true that when the mood strikes me, I can drive a man crazy with my words alone. It is true, that when I lose my temper, I twist and turn and spin words around to choke a person's breath off. But it is also true that my temper hardly ever escalates so fast or so easily that it causes me to torture someone in such a way. The last time I did this was two years ago. And it is something I still regret. So do not doubt my instincts when it comes to illusions. It takes a rare illusionist to fool me. My instincts are almost always right. And tonight I'm glad my gift came in handy. No more shall be said, and I consider the matter closed as of this moment. As I type, my family has already departed and left. I'm alone in Singapore, and preparing to celebrate Hari Raya by my lonesome as my family leaves to visit my ailing grandpappy. My list of lifetime regrets is long, and me not going to visit him ranks pretty much up there on that list. I suddenly feel so terribly sad. He was always nice to me. When my father and I had a huge and terrible fight a long time ago, he brought me to this sparkling waterfall and sat down with me. No words, just us and nature. It was the first time I truly saw beauty. As water gushed down and spilled into the basin, I knew that was a moment of pure connection. Have I let him down? By not being there to hold his hand as he goes through a terrible period in his life? He's having his voicebox removed. But that's ok. I don't consider speech to be the only form of communication. What's not ok is that I'm not there for someone I care about. Guilt is a terrible thing to live with. *sad* That's ok. I'll call my parents tomorrow. Yushaa, Elina and me went to the jetty at Bedok Reservoir. I was pretty panicky at first (I have a HUUUUGE fear of deep water), but I eventually got over it and looked out at the gently lapping waves. It soothed me, and for a moment, a brief shining moment, I transcended mortal pain. Thanks, Kenneth, for the soothing words of comfort. You bear, you. *hug* Thanks, Elina. For being the one who keeps us all sane when we lose our heads. Thanks, Yushaa. For reminding me that even the strongest of us needs help sometimes, and the weakest may yet find a deep well of untapped potential. You're the glue that holds us together.
I trust my instincts, I want you to trust me. But if you can't, remember me when you look out at the endless sea.