Psychic Farewell

As the inky blackness of night flows around me, I evaluate what I've done so far. I remember telling someone once: My heart is a maze of mirrors. Each mirror reflects what I want, but it is not the true object of my desires. It was the first time I told someone what I thought. Tonight my mood is a strange mix of sadness, regret and longing. If only I had not been so cruel, if only I had not been so vicious. If onlys are good only in hindsight. In my current mood I would be perfectly content to stand on a breakwater and allow a deluge of ocean waves to crash over me. The stars are hidden among the clouds tonight, and I find it fitting. A wave of darkness obscures the world, and I surrender myself to Night's embrace. It is odd, that for all my impulsiveness, I have yet to delete our shared history. Many times, I find myself staring at that delete button, and my finger wavers over the keypad, wanting to end it so much, but not wanting to lose the last link I have to the man I love. Yes. The angel I loved so much is just a man. An angel without wings, he is still just a man. I spill these words and thoughts freely...let them slide down into a dark pit of nothingness. The seconds drift by...my ears are filled with a resounding boom. The sound of barriers crashing down, of illusions falling into dust. For all the pain I endured, his touch healed me. When I felt furious and reckless, his eyes calmed and grounded me. I am older than he, yet he was the wise one. Perhaps this was his last gift to me. The gift of wisdom through pain. Do you not know mon amour, that behind that facade of anger I was frightened? Frightened that I would lose you. That fear made me react in stupid ways. I pushed you to the edge, and even then you tried to save me. I wish you well on your path of life, and as I walk away from the castle of memories, know that it was you who gave me the key.
One day I will see you, one day I will care. One day I will seek you, but you won't be there.