Psychic Ramblings

I cuddled my darling Baby. And guess what? He SCRATCHED me. Yes. My sweet, even-tempered Baby is having PMS. He's really really jealous of the new kitty. My nose is clogged, my eyes are red and puffy, and my throat is killing me. I've just worked my way through 2 packs of Strepsils Vitamin C. And feeling totally blue...I'm in love with the classical piece The Devil's Thrill by Giuseppe Tartini. I have it on repeat, and it's so diabolically wicked! The melody is so enchanting. It truly fires the imagination. The music seems to seep into your skin. An aphrodisiac for the mind. I can't believe I haven't gotten wind of it sooner. It's one of my favourite classical pieces now. I like the legend behind it too. Supposedly the devil appeared to Tartini in a dream and played the violin with such skill and dexterity that Tartini immediately scrambled to write it down when he awoke. Nice. Ah, Kenneth just swept the blues away. The piano is not on good terms with me today. I kept missing my notes. My fingers were somehow repelled by the keys. >.< And the WIND kept blowing my sheet music away. So I turned off the fan, and then I realised it was unbearably hot. Tsk. I'm twiddling my thumbs now, wondering what I'm supposed to do. My brain cells are on vacation. I want a grand piano! I'm supposed to go out with Aimi next Friday. Hurray! Ok, bear with my flighty mind for a while. I am really really bored. It's either this or transform into a brooding, depressing poet for the rest of the night. Speaking of transformations, I've been meaning to read Ovid's Metamorphosis. I keep seeing references to that book when I read. GINA! GO OUT! *nudgenudge* Dinner, lunch, study! Anything! Anything to escape the drudgeries of routine. Eew. Routines are so boring. Spontaneity! The spark of life. Baby's meowing again. Ok. Going to cuddle him again, running nose notwithstanding.

Psychic Rejuvenation

I feel so empty and miserable. It's like...so many bad things happen all at once. They don't stop coming. How do people carry on living? How do they force themselves to face each day, knowing that bad events are a breath away? I don't know why I'm feeling this way. I was so full of hope and life yesterday. I think...maybe I'm just tired. I'm trying to lift my spirits up. Geri Halliwell's Lift Me Up comes to mind. And Calvin and Hobbes. And lots and lots of chocolates! If it wasn't for the late hour, I'd have called Kenneth. Haha. I think he's joy incarnate. I smile just hearing his voice. Don't misunderstand that. -_- I just mean, he's so full of life and happiness. And he's got plenty to share around. =) See. I feel better already. All right. ENough moping. I'm going to start afresh. I've gotten a fresh start at life, so I'll take it and run. Run towards that finish line, yeah? Haha. And...I must beat Gina! Haha. I have everything I can ever wish for. I have my music, I've always had that. =) I'm doing this for myself. Because I deserve it, after all the crap life has given me. And I want to always be there for people who stumble along the path. =) After all, whatever you do, will come back to you. =) A good deed a day, huh? I'm going to get slaughtered in Geography class tomorrow. Haha. I think I'll pop home for a while tomorrow after school. I left my favourite billowy blanket there. And I really dislike the current blanket I have now. It's so heavy and scratchy. Eew. Haha. Ok. Time to revitalise my weary spirit! I must have faith in myself, and in those around me! =)

Psychic Death

Mimi passed away. She had to be put down. Apparently she had diabetes, and was going blind. I feel bad. I feel SAD. Because I used to tease her mercilessly, and now...she's just gone. There's no making up, no way to show her I'm sorry or anything. Baby's been pretty depressed too. He's just moping around, being pretty quiet. It's sad, really. I used to wonder why she was so thin, and couldn't seem to put on weight. She was like...secondary to Baby. Everyone loved Baby. But Mimi...she was the special one. Because she didn't trust anyone, and she got off to a bad start with everyone else. The hissing and the scratching, and the distrust. She eventually came to trust even Baby. And now she's gone. I'm going to miss her. And I'll always regret that I didn't give her as much attention as I gave Baby. But I hope she's in a better place now. The new cat's arriving tomorrow. I hope Baby and her get along well. But I'm sure they will. Auntie Margaret showed Comel to me just now. She's cute, she's got dusky fur and such an affectionate personality. I'm real sorry about Mimi...but life goes on, I guess. I really wish tragic events wouldn't happen so close together. =(

Psychic Rant

I am upset. Pass it off to the radiation from the full moon, or the hormones rampaging through my teenage body. But there it is. I am upset. And even more upset because there's no reason for me to get upset in the first place. Hmph. Today the class got started on the homosexual theme again. I'm still in the closet at school. I have no idea how the gay topic started, but everyone was talking about it. The guys were debating why people *coughcough* 'choose' to be gay. And while I think labels help people identify, I don't think labels should be used to separate people into different groups. For example, I'm not A gay. I'm gay. It's gay people. Not THE GAYS. Tsk. I can't believe how people have brains but don't use them enough. Ugh. They're ok people, as long as they don't know my sexual orientation. But is this right? To let them assume I'm straight and not correct their perception of homosexuals? Hmm. Something for my brain to munch on. Ok, I feel a giga-esque headache coming on, so I think I'll retire for the night.

Psychic Regret

My temper is simmering. I've been trying hard to get it under control before my infamous sarcasm and sharp tongue cuts someone. I've been feeling a bit under the weather too. Caught the flu bug that's currently making the rounds. My single greatest regret is that my temper and insecurities drive people who once cared about me away. I have to stop being this way >.< Life's way too short. I've seen so many examples of that. So from this moment on, I shall do my very best to be nice to everyone, even if I'm hurting. =) The world has enough pain going around at the moment. =) GINA TAN! DINNER! Soon, huh? 3 more months. The countdown finally begins. Yeah, I'm going off now. Goodnight.

Psychic Peace

I'm home. =) Really, really heartened by all the concern from so many friends. Specially Yiling, Gina, Kenneth, Nari, Moo-Moo, Seif. Faekah was with me in spirit. =P As was Aimi. Aimi, gomenasai! I was so totally spaced out. The list is endless. =P Sorry if I've left anyone out. The hospital allowed me to go home today, seeing as my exams fall on the 17th. But I'm to go back there on the 4th of August. My blood pressure appears wonky. >.<>.< Seif, my buddy, sprang a surprise on me. He brought some of our classmates from our current school to see me. =) Kenneth! Kenneth came! My angels came through! =) Yiling too! Gina and Chia Wee kept making me laugh. HAha. ^_^ The first few nights were bad. Test after test after test. I almost fainted in the examination room. I still don't get it. I was a good runner, I had stamina. But after ten minutes on the treadmill thingy, I almost passed out. I'm still puzzled. Since when has my health gotten so bad? Enough lamenting! I'm just so glad to be home and to see that in my time of need, my friends stood by me so solidly. Thanks everyone! ^_^ The doctors were nice. Specially doctor Zheng Jin Xi and doctor Eleanor Judy. =) Always came by in the mornings to check on me and tell me the day's events. Overall, I'm at peace with myself. And Nari and Faekah! Thanks for the concern. =) Really, thanks everyone. =)

Psychic Illness

To all my friends who have been urging me to see a doc, I went to one today. After passing out for no apparent reason. I was scared and freaked out when I regained consciousness, but called SEIF. Who turned out to be busy, so I turned to Kenneth. My mum brought me to one but thought it was probably nothing serious. She said I could have lost blood circulation or something =( In the end, the doc confirmed what I thought. I had a seizure. A tonic-clonic seizure. Thank goodness I stood by guns and insisted on going. And he warned that there was a possibility that it would recur. MEANING IT COULD HAPPEN AGAIN. It wasn't loss of blood circulation -_- I got referred to a specialist. Brain scan coming up. I hope they don't accidentally fry my brain or someting. How EXACTLY do they scan your brain? And fyi, I hate going to the doctor's. It's always so sterile and serious, everything's so stark. Even the kid's section seems forced. So tomorrow I have to get up early and probably miss my first class of the day. My mum was in disbelief at first. The doc said seizures can manifest at any time, without warning. Great. My greatest fear is public humiliation. I'm scared, a little, but I know I can bounce my way through this =) But it's funny, you always read about things like this, seizures and stuff like Alzheimer's and you think, 'Oh, it won't affect me.' And then life comes around and smacks you on the butt. Huh. I'm going with Auntie Gigie to the specialist tomorrow. At 7. AM. Well, that's my eventful day so far. Now I'm going to sleep. But I just wana say THANKS to Kenneth. For always guiding me. You're always there when I need you the most. And I'm sorry I hung up so suddenly, my mum came home right then. But I owe you big-time, buddy! ^_^

Psychic Panic

I feel a tightness in my chest that won't go away. My heart is burdened, and has been so for many many days. It's now 3 in the morning. And panic is tainting my heart, misery clawing at my soul. I'm so tired of my lonely existence in this isolation of my own making. Will an angel come down to redeem me? I have my Malay oral examination tomorrow. Something I'm absolutely dreading. XP I can speak Spanish, I can speak French and at least be understood by the French, I understand Italian, I understand German. And yet it is Malay, the language I was born into, the culture I was raised in that I think is my Achille's heel. I seriously wonder if I can speak in Malay and be understood. I can debate in Spanish with Lihan, argue and argue, tease Seif and Kenneth in French, enjoy the beauty of Italian opera...and yet, I cannot speak Malay to save my life. Goodness. I sound weird just PRONOUNCING my own name. So now I'm spoiling my brain on Malay songs and reading Malay stuff. I refuse to be conquered by a mere language. What was invented by Man, shall always remain in Man's control! Or at least it ought to be. Hmph. Hmmm...is it ok if I start by putting that stupid quotation mark and going full steam ahead and english and closing my quote? I am so clutching at straws here. Difficile est tenere quae acceperis nisi exerceas. It is difficult to retain what you have learnt without practice. I have not uttered a word of Malay since last year. Well, not counting my own name. I sure hope my infamous luck will hold out. *crosses fingers* Hmm...maybe I should just go read idioms in Malay and pepper my whole examination with Malay idioms. I did that for English and I did pretty well. Huh. IDIOMS are the answer. Yes. YES! I am sho shmart. Ok. I've had a few packets too many of MnMs. THey sure melt in your mouth. YUmyuM. Oh GOd. It is now 3:20. My brain is so fried. Now I'm hungry for fried eggs >.<>.<>