Psychic Bindings

I've been feeling so cagey recently. Like restless. It's now 2am. I've been asleep all day. Everything's been growing and collecting and snowballing. I know it's time I grasped life by the ears. But it's just that...so many things are attacking me right, left and centre. So tired I can't even think straight. Yeah, even though I rested the whole day I still feel tired. All of life is a paradox. Things that seem simple might have complications too complex to understand. I'm still wondering what I'm going to do tomorrow. Seems like the light of my life has been sucked out. Like there's nothing to look forward to anymore. This feeling of discontentment has been growing. I just can't decide what to do with my life. Should I pursue my interest in music? But even that has been waning. My eyes are falling closed. School starts at 9 tomorrow. I'm so so so sleepy. Where has my zest for life gone? *sigh* Maybe I'm just too tired to feel happy. Stressing about stuff, and avoiding almost everyone. I think I'll head down to Sembawang this weekend. Cuddle my darling Baby till I feel better. But in the meantime, I'd better head off my maths and science. Well...time for me to go back to sleep. Feel like I'm in hibernation. I just hate routines.

Psychic Confusion

I hate the emotions churning in my being right now. I feel so damn conflicted. I was so pissed off at home. Here's the deal: Seif came over with his guitar, coz I wanted to see how our instruments harmonise. And it was fine at first, coz everyone went out. We hung out, pigged out, crashed around for a while. Was great and all. But then they came back home. So fine la. I dun really care, as long as they leave us alone. But Seif got the dreaded interrogation. And I was sitting there, getting more and more pissed off. Initially, I told my mum I'd be staying overnight. Big whoop. Then when HE dragged Seif through his whole inspection, I got pissed off and started packing my bag. I REALLY PACKED. I took all my music. Nothing left there. Nada. Squat. I'M NOT BRINGING ANYMORE GUY FRIENDS OVER THERE ANYMORE!! ARGH! It sucks. Seriously. I haven't felt this angry in ages. And I felt even worse when my bag started weighing me down. I feel bad that Seif had to go through that crap from my dad. And I felt even worse when my mum was trying to soften the blow. Great. And now I'm feeling wide awake. Adrenaline rush. At this time of night. Wonderful. Actually, it ain't so bad. Just that I'm feeling so pissed off. With everyone commenting that I keep stressing my Father out, I haven't gone to Sembawang. Probably won't be going anymore. *sigh* I have three houses, and I can't even feel at HOME anymore. Nothing feels right anymore. I'm just depressing myself. Eck. I can't keep living my life this way. I just want it all to end! I want my dad to stop avoiding me. Period. Ass lah. I'm feeling more and more disgruntled with each passing minute. WTF did I do to make him avoid me? The only PERSON i call Father. And he refuses to even remain in the same room as me. It's all...shit. Male bovine excrement. Maybe I'm just meant to be cut off from males in general. Who knows? Here's hoping for a better tomorrow. *snorts* Like THAT'S gonna happen.

Psychic Wisdom

I'm so tired. Ugh. I read something interesting. If an angel sins, he is fixed eternally in evil. Well...I guess I'm lucky I have a chance to redeem myself. Everyday sees a little more sin. But perhaps humanity as a whole is starting to wise up and bringing more grace to this world. Where there is love, there is His grace. Seif and I passed out on the couch at my house during lunch break. And then we slept till 5. Too late to go for chemistry >.< We simply MUST go for lab tomorrow. Goodness. Angelus! He messaged me. Sounded quite pissed. Don't know what's up with him. Since when was he so pessimistic? Angel indeed. Fallen? haha. I'm now gorged. Bloated full of food. And sleepy. But don't know if I wana go to bed yet. Muy aburrido! Hehheh. Li Han and me were arguing in Spanish just now. Haha. I knew she was talking to Kenneth, but she said no, they weren't talking. They were MESSAGING. So I said el es mismo! Same thing! And she went, nO! No es! Haha. She's teaching me Spanish. So cute. Bleah. I'm going off now. Sleep beckons! And it's already a new day. Argh! I have lab today! So don't wana go. I wana wake Seif up now. Hehhehheh. He's gonna wake up at 2:30 to watch his match anyways. SOCCER is like....I don't get it. 22 men, on a football pitch, running after one ball? Huh. Can we spell neanderthal? "Mine, no mine! Gruntgrunt." Haha.

Psychic Emanations

Hmm. I'm currently watching Fate/Stay Night. A wonderful story that pits ideals against reality. Well...turns out the cats got into a serious fight. The female Mimi was badly scratched. I don't know why, but she seems to be one of those proud cats who never condescends to those they deem inferior. Baby is a total sweetheart compared to her. And her mood swings! Gracious. Representative of the female species, I think. *grins* Anyway...I'm wondering how long my plan to take public transport will last >.< I've been feeling quite apprehensive. Feels like a big storm is coming my way. So I'll deal with it the best way I know how. Shut off my emotions. I'm feeling sleepy...odd for this early hour. The corridor that I can see from here disturbs me. The light keeps flickering in and out. Distracts me from where I'm seated. Yeah. Things between my father and me are still strained. But we're slowly improving. At least we don't skirt around each other anymore. I can't take it anymore. Too sleepy. Plus, I have school tomorrow. And I have to get that bum Seif up in case he oversleeps again. =P goodnight.

Psychic Chill

I've changed. Where I once was sunny and bright, I am now dark and chilled. Frozen and chiseled to a razor's edge. I've always been sharp. But now, my mind is deadly. I do not know how this change came about, but it does make me uneasy. I can enchant and disarm someone to the point they spill their guts to me. And if it so pleases me, I can choose to use that knowledge to my advantage. Does that make me ruthless? Perhaps. I used to be emphatic. I couldn't walk into a hospital without feeling hurt. I couldn't watch those people suffering without feeling their pain. But now that feeling's gone. And I wonder, why have I changed? Now that I examine that question carefully, I find that I don't really care. I feel more...independent. Liberated. And I think it is time I expanded my circle. After all, there is that old adage 'Knowledge is power.' I have been thinking of angels a lot. I've been so wrapped up in my research, I've almost forgotten my social acquaintances. Tomorrow is...a Saturday. I shall be going to see Father. I hope I can close that chapter as well. I've seen that his love for me is real. He can't express his regret, but I know that he feels the same way I do. We shouldn't let past events mar our vision of the future. Besides, he's my Father. I know this deep in my heart, I'll always see him as my dad. I only hope the cats can bring me a ray of hope in my darkening life. Felines bring out my lighter side. With their funny, unassuming ways. They have a world of wisdom. Indeed, I think that is the only bright spark on my horizon. Very well. I shall of course, hope that things will mend and heal. But I'm only mortal. And I can be no more than that.

Psychic Rebirth

I'm back. Figured my old journal was getting too cluttered. So I shall create a new one. A blank canvas, a new slate. I'm been getting that a lot. Been feeling so much better. Like how I used to be, minus the ruthlessness and the cold dispassionate way I pick people apart. So yeah, I'm less of a bitch now than I was last time. I'm so tired. I've pulled an all-nighter. Reading, and learning, and planning. Because I now have the wisdom brought about by experience. I now I cannot rush into things headfirst. I have recently acquired the Greater and Lesser Keys. In certain circles, these would be well-known I expect. I have been for the most part, just skimming the books and finding facts that displease me more and more. I have treated those I care about with love recently. And been damning those who have betrayed me. I know now, what falsehood means. I have ways and means of which to ascertain the authenticity of what I'm presented with, be it spoken word or written letters. Anyhow, I am feeling the effort of pulling another all-night stint so close together. I require sleep. But I know, I can't. Not yet, at least. I have to go out. Soon. Let me think...I have to go out at 10. And I'll be back at 4. I can catch a few hours of sleep before that pestilential tornado of sound swirls in at sixish. So that will be two hours of sleep...enough to last me till 12 or 1. During which time, I intend to do research...very thorough research into what I intend to create. *sigh* I am really very exhausted. I can barely keep my eyes open. And my brain has stopped functioning. Yet I can't afford another showdown.