Psychic Chrysalis

I'm breaking out of my shell. Those damned limitations that restrict me and force me to my knees? I'm breaking them all down. My family's denials? Not my problem. My innate shyness and instinct to blend in the background and hide is no more. I am so tired of being misunderstood. I am not stupid, I am not arrogant. I was merely shy. All my friends can account for the fact that I have a wicked and sometimes morbid sense of humour. I refuse to blend in, I refuse to be a voiceless pawn in the game of life. I have a quick wit, I can debate with ease on practically any topic people throw at me. I have as much right as the anyone else to live my life. And damn it, I'm tired of living in the closet on my knees with my hands clasped in silent prayer. I shall not wait for divine intervention; I am taking matters into my own hands. I'm gay, I speak English extremely well, I'm talented with my hands, I understand French, Latin, Spanish, Malay. I most definitely am not a monolingual cretin. I play the piano pretty well, and now the time has come for me to emerge from my chrysalis. It is long overdue, and as much as I like my comfort zone, it is not doing me any good to live in my high tower where I am untouched by the elements, untouched by time, untouched by progress, untouched by LIFE. Today I go without sleep. But my energy is skyhigh at the moment, and I am going to go home. The only restrictions are those I've placed upon myself. It is time I see how far I can go without these restraints. In life, in academics, in everything I wish to do. I've been fortunate enough to have my life coloured by my friends, people who have shown me the light, and now it is time I spread my wings. The spatterings of darkness on my wings will lessen, and I know it is only a matter of time before I completely banish them from my being. I will speak. I will still be who I am, but I will no longer hold my thoughts and observations in an unbreakable cage of silence. People may judge me based on their biased opinions, but frankly? I live my life for myself. As that song goes, "It's my life." And I'm choosing to live it. And screw all you stereotypical assholes who think that I'm just another faceless, voiceless statistic who will eventually contract HIV and die alone and friendless. I've been too soft and gentle, and that is why people assume I'm a pushover. My real strength lies in my quick mind. I analyse a person's character, habits, traits in a single glance. I have been too much of an observer, and not much of a player. What, exactly, do I have to fear from being myself in public? Prejudice? That's old hat. I've faced much worse. As people around me fill their days with productive activity, I spend mine staring at the skies and thinking as music fills the void. Well, those days are gone. I've wasted years being a dreamer. Now I'm going to turn my dreams into reality. I may be the black sheep of the family, the gay one, the non-religious one, but I've always been the silent one. Now when I speak, they can choose not to listen. But my words will penetrate closed ears and slam into hardened hearts. My fiery nature has come into play. This is the game of life. Don't hate me. I'm just a player. Hate the game, not the player. And to Yushaa and Phoebe and Elina, I owe you guys for my evolution. Yushaa for always being there to keep me from the edge, Phoebe for showing me the limitless energy of my spirit, and Elina for showing me the fires that burn unseen in my heart. Gina and Yiling have served to strengthen me, and I face the world today with a head held high and a heart that has been opened to the light.