Psychic Scream

The stress, the pain, the aggravation, my own unbridled rage is choking me. It's too early to be drinking...or so they say. One binge leads to another. I dreamt of tornadoes, waterspouts, hurricanes and tidal waves. The destructive forces of nature. And now I am destroying the last of what remains standing. As the sun rises in the horizon and melts the darkness away, fire traces its way through my veins. It burns me, and my energy right now is limitless. I have to bleed it off. Fuck this. Their fights have become my leash, it binds my wings. That's ok. I've always been broken anyway, discarded by all who've used me. Scream and scream. That's ok. No one cares enough to hear my screams anyway. I have nothing but my dreams, and those are dissipating like the morning mists before the sun. Is this how it ends? I have tried. I can't do it. It is killing me. Fine. I'll use up what I have left for alcohol. Oh, devil-child, devil-child. When the sun sets, the darkness inherent within me will grow restless again. The stars, the stars. They should just die out and plunge the world into eternal night. There is no hope for those condemned. Salvation is just a word. Months ago, I contemplated giving it all up. Today as I sit in silent resentment, again the possibility of throwing it all away surfaces. I have been marked by darkness, and I fear that those who try to reach me will in turn be darkened. The sun irritates me, and I wonder how today will pan out. Pass out on the floor again? Get drunk and call one of my old flames yet again? I'm on an express train to hell, but hey, the fun is in the journey, not the destination right? So I'll have a fucking good time on my way down. Literally. I'll keep those I care about at bay, because...well, we all know the answer to that. Darkness spreads. The fire burns as it runs through my veins, infusing me with heat and oh so much energy. C'mon, men. The drive-thru is open again. Oh, the pain in my heart will not cease no matter what I do. Damn Gabriel with his empty promises of salvation. The room is spinning, and my head feels light. I think an alcohol overdose would be the best way to spend my day today. Hey, when life sucks, grab a bottle. That's my new motto. Screw the optimists, they know nothing about the world we live in. Sunshine and butterflies my ass. Grow up. Well. Now that I've officially made matters between my parents worse, I say I deserve to go out and celebrate with style. Oh, no more crappy alcohol. Let's go splurge on the big boys. If you wana get drunk, do it right. I'm tired of the ungodly hours spent in the corner with tears running down my face. I've more important things to do, like go get drunk...go get fucked by some nameless guy, and build healthy sexual relations with men I don't know. I'm done talking, I'm done fighting endless battles to be who I am. So yes. It's time for me to unleash the dark scream building up in me and let loose. Spiral down, spiral down. Even with the sun blazing brightly in the sky, darkness trails around me like loose threads waving in the slightest breeze. No warmth can penetrate my kavach of darkness. No one shall touch my heart. Rape my physical self, but I've already sold my soul. Too bad.
And I fall into darkness. What can be worse?