Psychic Call

Do you know, the word 'LUNATIC' originated from the word luna? Luna is Latin for moon. People used to think the moon was the cause of madness. I am in a rather deep mood tonight. All the worries of the world have shifted polarity...and now they're far behind me. I am ethereal tonight. I am light, I am shadow, I am both, I am everything and nothing. I am the shadow that lurks in each man's breast, I am the light that opens their eyes. The horrors of the world...have ceased to frighten me. I saw the sparkling waters of the reservoir tonight. And it appeared that a profound epiphany awaited me in the waters, begging further scrutiny. I know life is fleeting. We all know that. What matters is not the destination, but the journey. When I lie on my deathbed, what shall flash before my eyes? Great men come into prominence because they chased their dreams. And when I saw the stars tonight, each one representing a dream, for a moment, it appeared as though I could cradle one in my palm. I closed my eyes, and the illusion lingered. But it vanished in a flash of clarity when I opened my mind. I used to hold stars in my mind. Each one represents a dream, and shooting stars occur when a dream has been achieved. That was my most cherished thought. But with age, comes wisdom although this is not necessarily so. And now I know, shooting stars are just debris from outer space heated by their descent through the Earth's atmosphere. As you grow older, you lose so much. Innocence, hope. Why must this be so? I feel as though my spirit has been touched by angels tonight. It is something you cannot describe in words. I was protected tonight. And I am grateful. And even though it pains me, I know death is part of life. Those who pass on go towards God's light. And even though I cry for them, I hope they know I love them for having left imprints in my heart. Their physical selves may leave this earth, but their spirit lingers on like sweet perfume in my heart. They leave such legacies behind! I do not understand. Why am I this way? Is there no one else like me? SOmeone who cries over a dead tree, someone who holds kittens to their hearts and feels the soothing caress of peace? When other teens spend their time talking about music, fashion...I spend mine in quiet solitude. I do wonder if I'm normal. I can drive people insane with my words and theories. I do mean that literally. I just feel...like a seed that has fallen into the river and is fighting against the current to take root somewhere calm. People see me as someone wickedly funny, someone flirtatious. This is the illusion I weave to make them see only the facade. I myself cannot fathom the depths of my mind and heart, and it is only sometimes that my light flows through. =) Tonight is one of them. Which one is more attractive? A twinkling star, which is always in the sky, static and constant, or a brightly flaming comet, one that flares out quickly, but is exquisitely beautiful in its dying moments? Kenneth is one of my angels. He needs no mention, but we both know he is capable of lifting me up out of the abyss I so frequently dive into. Hehe. I am not depressed tonight...but I don't think there's a single word that describes my mood tonight. I have made up my mind. I'm going to the reservoir every night I'm sad, and let the peace I find so prevalent there envelop me. It soothes the cuts in my heart. It doesn't heal them, but it makes the pain lessen. I wish to dance. Dance and dance and dance until the world collapses around me. Dance until I can touch the stars. Whirl and spin...around the sun which represents passion, and waltz around the moon which represents timeless beauty. In the greater scheme of things, we may be comparatively small, but who says we're powerless? I do not wish to be here, trapped in an existence where certificates define you. I dislike the education system in Singapore. I dislike systems in general. While they may appear to keep things smooth and orderly, not everyone fits into such systems. I know I don't. =) Imagine if I say all this to my classmates. Do you think they would understand? Would even an A-star student understand the inflections in my words? I am not an intellectual snob, do not misunderstand me. I am just lonely, and I want someone who understands what I feel, what I say, what I want without me having to simplify my complexities into condensed formats. My family refuses to listen, but you know something? Even water can erode rocks. It takes a long time, but it shows the power of persistence. I can sit on a breakwater, watching the stars glitter like a million diamonds above me, and it is not the heavenly lights that captures my attention. It is the aura of the sea...that strange salty tang so many people take for granted. How strange I must sound...*shakes head* I cry over trees, I sing praises of the sea...am I really a human teenager? Lol. I drift off into my head, construct theories about the hows and whys of people. People think I am psychic because I can predict what they will say, or how they will react. Is this telepathy? I do not know. I am this way. But it does get lonely. I am the only one created this way. I have travelled far and wide, invaded many social circles in hopes of finding just one...just ONE person among millions who feels the way I do. My search so far has been fruitless. =) I feel so far removed from my peer group. I feel bonded to Elina, to Yushaa, to Phoebe, to Gina, to Kenneth, to Seif. Yet the bond I share with each person is different. Imagine there is a sketch of me in each person's mind. This represents how they perceive me. If you combine the sketches from all the minds of those who know me, it will look nothing like who I am deep inside. I know this by instinct. Yet I do now know the mechanics of how this can be. Life is full of paradoxes and conundrums. I guess I am just another one of them. =) And if there is indeed someone out there who can understand the entirety of what I've just written...please make yourself known. =) Being the only one among millions can be overwhelming. But with all my friends so solidly behind me, I'll survive. Of course I will. =) True friends form an unbreakable circle of protection around you. And I'm fortunate enough to have this at least. Here's to hope. *toast*