Psychic Echoes

Around 3 in the morning, I lay down on the cold ground to sleep. A thousand ghosts screamed my name, and I was shaking badly when I crawled away from my corner. Tears collect in my eyes, and I curse myself for all the mistakes I've made, all the wrong turns I've taken in my lifepath. I am safe, for the moment, but that protection wavers. I am protected as long as I surround myself in the world of the living, where fellow humans live and breathe. Their pain masks my presence from her. Will I continue running forever? I am in pain as the night winds down. I think the battle for my sanity is lost. My laughter rings around this empty room, bouncing off cold walls and floors. A thousand spirits, a thousand echoes of the fragmented lives I have led thus far. They're driving me insane. The barriers I've erected against my own mind are crumbling away to nothingness. I need sleep, but it is denied me. I need a drink. A strong, strong drink. But I know if alcohol enters my system, my protection will vanish, and they will come for me. I am so tired of being misunderstood! I wanted to help, really. She nearly killed me for that. Oh God. I am going crazy. Trying to help someone who would have killed me without hesitation. My thirst for freedom and wild, open spaces has faded away. All I want right now is to be safe and warm, and to sleep peacefully without being disturbed by anything, natural or otherwise. Stupid as it is, I want to see J. Or even R, or Z. Z would understand, would laugh softly and murmur soothing words. J would wrap his arms around me, not saying a word, just letting his presence speak for itself. How does one stop an echo? How does one quell a thousand echoes at the same time? How do I silence my mind from all the terrors I have seen and experienced? Dawn is not far off now, and the first of the morning birds have begun their loud chorus. The mists rise thickly from the ground, and an unnatural chill seeps through the walls. As much as I hate heat and light, I want the sun to rise, to burn these phantoms from my being. A temporary exorcism. I'll take what I can get. It's what I've learned after 19 years of trouble. I don't want to hide anymore. From her, from my own mind, from my past. I want to forget everything that has happened to me, silence the echoes of my history, I want peace. I'm so tired of fighting everyone and everything all the time. My defences will hold for today, with dawn being only several minutes away. But come nightfall tomorrow, I must find a safe haven for myself, one where I can sleep undisturbed by phantoms both within and without. I will not spend another night shaking in fear and pain.
Sancte Michael Archangele, defende nos in proelio;
contra nequitiam et insidias diaboli esto praesidium.
Imperet illi Deus , supplices deprecamur:
tuque, Princeps militiae caelestis, Satanam aliosque spiritus malignos,
qui ad perditionem animarum pervagantur in mundo, divina virtute in infernum detrude.