Psychic Insecurity

A sweeping wave of insecurity has washed over me. I drown in the possibilities of what could go wrong if I fail in this. So many illusions at my disposal, so many visions that I can project to hide my true emotions. Should I be cold and uncaring, the dispassionate ice prince? Or should I be warm and sweet and pretend that I have not spent a good portion of my time pining for him? I can imagine the words. "Just be yourself." Right. I must have been crazy to have agreed to this. Regardless of the smokescreens I put up, I know he will see right through them. Panic courses through my veins like a slowburning fire. It starts from my abdomen, creeping up to my chest, and then circling my neck. I have faced about a hundred demons, but I cannot face my mortal lover. *sighs* The insecurities rise from me like an intangible cloak, enveloping me in darkness. I wonder if years from now, I will still fall on both knees before this mortal man, a slave to his every whim. That thought frightens me senseless. I am afraid, yet also filled with hope. Hope that he will heal the deep wounds I have sustained since our bitter parting. Bitterness crushes that hope almost immediately. Will I stand by and allow him, one mortal man, to best me yet again and lacerate my heart even further? I think it tragic, that those who love so deeply are so terribly scarred by this treacherous emotion. Even more tragic that insecurity causes us to push the people we love far away from us, because we fear they will leave us eventually. *shakes head* Caution shall dictate my every move, then. From here on, I will be cautious and guarded. I must not allow emotion to overwhelm and weaken me again. I am still undecided, and aware that I can vanish at any moment without fear of consequence. There is nothing secret about this anymore. My ability to disappear completely is one of my more maddening traits, for my companions at least. For once, I await morning. I shall lie down in my corner now, and dream of sepia-toned memories.
Gabriel, stand with me as I battle the great demon Regret.