Psychic Shards

I know how fiery my anger can be, and for half my life I've made it a point to calm myself down before taking action when I'm fired up. Unpredictable things happen when I reach my breaking point. There was the time I was being yelled at by my grandmother at my parents' place. I had just opened my mouth to scream at her, when there was a loud bang and sparks flew out of the doorbell speaker on the wall behind her. The whole room was plunged into darkness, and my aunt was shaking with fright when she lit the candles. I didn't move the whole time, glaring at the entire family.
Today, a similar episode played out. I was furious (moodswing. Don't bother asking.) and I was holding a pair of cups in one hand, and an open bottle of chilled water in the other. Phoebe and Elina were looking at me, and Phoebe asked me why I wanted her to leave the sheets on the table. Irritation flooded through me, but I said quite calmly, "Because of this." And water exploded out of the bottle's mouth, drenching my hand in icy water. The girls fell silent, and heat rushed up to my face and neck. I am sorry that I lost my temper with Phoebe, who is usually the sweetest girl around, and I'm terribly afraid that one of these days, the shards of my emotions will wound an innocent bystander. I have to admit, though, that these incidents are quite cool in their own freakish way. I don't want explanations, nor will I attempt to offer you one of my own.
Speaking of shards, my mum messaged me late this afternoon, but I was fast asleep. She asked me to call her back ASAP, but when I did, my dad picked up. After a few awkward moments of skittering around polite conversation, he told me she wasn't in and I hung up. Sometimes, I wish I could tell people what I really feel. Hard to believe, isn't it? I have a strong command of the English language, but three words defeat me completely. It takes too much of an emotional effort for me to connect to my aunt, to my fathers, even to certain friends. I was on the verge of telling M about J a few moments ago, during our nightly conversation. I was seriously teetering on the edge of a colossal emotional explosion. But in the end, I took a deep breath, swallowed my words and allowed M's attention to drift.
All these shards will cut me to shreds soon. I won't run. I won't fight back. I'll just stand where I am, close my eyes, and allow the inevitable to take place. I can feel his breath on my neck, and I know it's only a matter of time before I surrender to his dark embrace. My mind is already drifting, and tonight, for the first time in many nights...I will sleep deeply. The stars shall watch over me, and the half moon will attempt to slice her way through the heavy clouds forming around her, threatening to choke her when she is so terribly weakened. *sleepy* I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I would like for some peace of mind, if only for a few hours. Just to ensure my continued sanity.
I'll hold the shards at bay for you, but I can't hold them off forever.