Psychic Whisper

I still think of you. The years do nothing to lessen this emotion and its accompanying pain. As the clouds hover gently above me, I close my eyes and remember times long ago, when the world was a brighter, happier place. Not just for me...but for so many other people. Loss pervades this world in ways I can't even begin to describe. Are we all mere puppets for the Fates? Are they so cruel to take without replenishing what was lost? I have tried to regain my former strength, but my emotions are notoriously capricious. I have scorched friends and lovers alike in my quest for solitude, sometimes even without them knowing why I'm so fiery in the first place. Sometimes I need to be alone, but I can't voice that need without feeling inadequate somehow. Other times, I need company desperately to keep my mind away from the darkness that collects in the corners of my heart, yet again...I cannot put that desire into words. Ever felt that way? Like you're standing in front of someone who's willing to extend a hand, and you can't quite say what you need? I feel that way all the time. If I hadn't burnt the bridges...ififif.
The night feels hot and oppressive to me. I've grown accustomed to sleeping with the sun these days. I quite regret my ability to vanish completely from those who seek me out, particularly when they need me. That is why, tonight...as the sandman calls me to slumber, I fight his call to enfold a cherished friend in my warm embrace and whisper words of comfort. Just words...but imbued with emotion and powered by my empathy. Hours of tears, and again...they fall because of love. The romantics will sigh knowingly, admitting another fallen warrior into their ranks, the cynics will scoff, and yet the river of tears flowing for love grows with each day. I have lost count of the days. I dread the day I will be forced into the shackles of normalcy. Only then will the amount of time I have spent pining for J be calculated, by stern men who have no knowledge of what I am capable of. He has proven true to his word. Fall or fly, you're on your own. *sigh* Looking heavenward, I feel a tug in my heart. Faith. It's just a word until you empower it with your beliefs. This is who I am. Impossible in love, impossible to love, in love with everything that I deem beautiful. Music, sound, colours, emotion, the souls of those around me...J. I laugh at the memories now, a bittersweet chuckle that is drawn from the depths of my soul. *shakes head* I have done my part to comfort another fallen soul in the name of Cupid, and though I know the healing will never truly be complete, time will lessen the wounds. The hours have flown past. Am I headed into nothingness? Can I truly become substantial in 2 years, instead of being just a phantom as I am now? I'm tired of living this way, to be honest. Day to day, living with my head in the clouds, being the dreamer. Dreams don't belong in this era, where soot and dust blacken the streets and buildings, and everyone else is determined to strip the Earth bare of resources. People move along too fast for my liking, and change comes along once every few days. Had I one gift, I would like to live forever in one golden moment. First kiss, perhaps. Or that one moment at the bus-stop, when the sun made his hair glow, and I drowned in his eyes, lost in his arms. His quiet whisper of, "Love isn't something you should be afraid of." *closes eyes* Someday, maybe. Till then, I will fall asleep every night with a whispered apology for all the people I've hurt, voluntarily or otherwise, and most especially to J, the boy who taught me about the purity of love.
I swear in the days still left, we'll walk in fields of gold.