Psychic Ascension

I can't say it was what I wanted. Nor can I claim that I expected this. But I cannot deny the fact that after all the pain, healing has begun. The wounds are still in the process of recovering, though, therefore I reminded myself to step cautiously. Yet nothing can take away my prize: half a day's worth of conversation with J. I was moping around all morning, and even the prospect of playing the piano at the Esplanade could not cheer me up. While I was chilling near the piano, however, my phone vibrated. When I saw who the message was from, the effect was instantaneous. A big goofy grin on my face, and my fingers were sparkling with zest. I could never be too busy for J. See how important he is? He even takes precedence over my piano. We laughed, we talked. We talked. Can you believe it? *grins* We remembered, each wincing at the unsaid pain from the past. Then came the big question. "Do you still have feelings for me?" Well, the answer is pretty obvious. For all my mastery at illusions, my skills at deception, I can never lie to the one I love. I went home pretty happy, I must say. I can hardly remember the details of yesterday. All that matters was that we talked. A precious memory indeed. One boy, one man. Capable of altering my entire world with a single simple gesture. The power he has over me is astounding, is it not? Yet that is love. Both foolish and grand, sweepingly awe-inspiring and piercingly painful at the same time. It feels like I've walked across the entire globe, crossed countries in a single day. I am invincible again, in the mystical kavach of love. I feel the fires of my heart burning strongly once more, where once there were only embers and dying faith. I have ascended yet again, although I know my heart is capricious in nature. One day full of vibrant life, the next a cosmic drain, sucking all the life out of everything I lay my eyes upon. Still, I am undeniably happy. A conversation that I know I will secretly cherish for weeks to come, even if I remain coldly detached from the events that rippled outwards from that one step. But no, my emotional frost remains unchanged. I cannot deny that my illusions slipped yesterday, allowing me to express one brief flash of euphoria, tempered with insecurities and blunted with painful experiences. Today I'm back to being me, with my defences back up and my cold, uncaring mask firmly fixed in place. But I know my spirit has ascended another notch, that much closer to the peace I so desperately seek. I feel slightly giddy from the turn of events. Or maybe that's because I have spent another night awake, steeped in the stew of my muses as they add a pinch of this and a dash of that into my lightly inebriated mind. Ascension. *content* The breezes have been flowing strongly around my room, cool with the morning and full of promises. J cheered me up immensely, and suddenly the old hopes and dreams come flooding back. All is not lost, after all. There are many things for me to be thankful for on this fine, glorious morning. But hey. You shouldn't take my words too seriously, for I know tomorrow my mood might have just done a one-eighty. Well...I've been grinning like a cheshire cat for more than twelve hours. I suppose it is time for me to drift off to sleep, now that the breezes carry within them a tinge of heat from the sun. Yeah, I suppose I should. Soon. Let me just savour the sweetness of the moment a while longer. 3 years of hoping for forgiveness have not passed by unnoticed, and my heart is at peace. It took 3 years for me to find that, and that...is a true victory. The chapter on my messy and rocky history with J has been closed, and I can sleep peacefully.
Elevation.