Psychic Visions

I've been seeing Death a lot in my mind lately. In my dreams, in waking visions that greatly trouble me. The recurring theme these past few days seems to be 'loss'. As I rose from the cold marble upon which I usually rest, I half considered strengthening the emotional frost that leads many people to conclude that I'm cold, my own family included. The feeling of loss lingered on even after I clawed my way back to full consciousness. J sat there, lost in his own world as a life was imperiled. He didn't care. Some people may say dreams are just that, fragments of illusions that our subconscious likes to dredge up when we surrender all control to sleep. But there is no denying the reality of what I felt, what was induced because of what I saw. I have been feeling so drained and tired recently, that usually I just put myself on auto-pilot and allow the visions to swamp me, and I lose myself in beauty and hope, terror and loss. It is both gift and curse, to be able to summon hope with a single thought, and to be able to be felled by the same. Double-edged sword and all. I've been drifting further and further away, although the illusions I present are one of close ties and harmony. I feel like just running away from all the emotional obligations. The weather has chilled me, I think. I don't know if I have enough strength of mind to keep my illusions in place. I am so indescribably tired. Yet I hate sleep because of all the terrors that lurk in my subconscious. *shakes head* I begin to think I will never have the peace that I so desperately crave. All these obligations are tying me down. Someday I'll break free, and I'll sing a song of redemption for each and every soul I have failed to save. Until then, I suppose I am doomed to wander these roads alone, with the darkness burgeoning uncontained in my heart, and visions of my failure to haunt me and weaken me further.