Psychic Unveiling

I am well used to illusions by now. But ever so often...another veil falls away, revealing truth in all its unwanted glory. I saw J this morning, and I spoke to Z last night. *shakes head* Revealing indeed. I have plummeted all the way down into J's hate list. Yet I still love him with all my heart and soul. The mysteries of love...*sigh* I love Z too, in a different way. I care about him, but he does not know that I do. I'm content to watch the puzzle pieces fall into place naturally, because patience is everything. 'Have a little patience.' If he decides to burn his bridges with me, then so be it. I have waited quite a few years, J. I am at the end of my rope here. Either you have forgiven me for my perceived mistakes, or you never will. I await your move. I looked at you just now, and I can't deny that the reaction of my heart betrayed my innermost feelings regarding you. I still love you, idiot. *rubs eyes* I am tired. I should be resting, before noon strikes the earth with the hammer of the sun's heat. Oh...and Z? Think up a better excuse next time. *rolls eyes* If you don't want to see me, then don't call me out in the first place! God. I'd have thought you would at least have some semblance of intelligence, compared to all the idiots I've been going out with. You with all your deep talk of God and religion, and how you feel depressed and lonely all the time. Maybe you wouldn't be lonely if you would be nicer in the company of others. And I'm beginning to think that 'depth' to you that first attracted me is nothing more than a facade. A pretty illusion with no substance behind it. J is confused, I get that. But you, Z. How many years have you been claiming that you play for both teams? I refuse to let you jerks drag me down. Good grief. How long will it be before you realise that I'm still me, J? The years have not changed me, but if you refuse to see that, maybe you have changed. I'm certainly starting to think so, and it's not a compliment, my love. Nothing will happen with S, because unfortunately, I've gone off sex quite a bit. In the words of a funnyman, "Men need to have sex to feel loved. Women need to feel loved to have sex." *sigh* I really am worn down to the bone. So tired I believe I can actually fall asleep at this computer table with sunlight blasting into my face. J...come back when you can't run from the truth anymore. I know what you felt, ok? It's no use telling me otherwise now. I love you, but I understand if you need time to sort things out with yourself. Just don't expect me to wait forever. But I promise I will be there for you if you need me for whatever reason. Just call me, and I will be there as fast as I can. *crosses heart* Z...you idiot. -_- I care about you, but if you're not going to stop giving in to your erratic mood swings, I will strangle you myself. It is terribly annoying when you call me up only to waste my time playing phone tag with you. Pick up the bloody phone or send me a message, you dolt. God, you men really get on my nerves sometimes. And R! Where the bloody hell have you been? That's...what, two lunches you've missed already? *shakes head* Honestly, you brainless buffoons really don't have much in the way of intellect, do you? Hmm. Happy Father's Day, X. *sigh* I would have gotten you a present, but I know you well enough to know that you would only feel guilty afterwards. So I've saved us both the trouble, and sent you the message instead. So many illusions dissolved into nothingness in one night. It makes me feel quite faint. *sarcastic* I should start my own soap opera, considering that I have plenty of experience in the drama department. Stupid Fates. Hey, karma should go kick someone else's butt for a change, you know? Meh. You'd never listen to an ignorant mortal like me anyway. *rolls eyes* Ok, I can foresee myself beginning to babble nonsense on this otherwise coherent and babble-free blog. I'm going to drag myself to my corner and get some shut-eye now. And my resolution for the coming week shall be...thou shalt not touch felines without being cursed with the Plague! (My allergies are acting up again. Sigh. Going to Sembawang is out of the question now...but I miss my Baby!)
...with the death of each illusion, I find myself strangely empowered.