Psychic Peace

I have been feeling so peaceful recently. If I close my eyes, I can almost project myself back into the golden days with J, back when everything was glowing and happy and everyone was so contented. But that was then, and this is now. I sit alone in my room, and I realise...the heavens are empty. The moon is conspicuously absent, and the stars are veiled by clouds. Still, it cannot diminish the fact that I have...for the past few days, not been depressed or moody. Running was a great way to take the edge off. J's gone off one on of his uncontactable tangents again. R is pressuring me to get a job. I haven't seen X for over a month. And I may have just opened my heart to yet another J.
But I feel strangely untouched by all these. *quiet* The piano and keyboard have fallen silent, and so has my mind. The nightmares have receded, and I feel so joyful that I can sleep without worrying about the repercussions. This is the same sensation that envelops my heart whenever I dream about my open meadow with blue skies as my roof. The slight breeze that blows...the softness of wild grass. My own little piece of heaven. It is peace, and I never thought I'd feel it again. Not after the turbulent rollercoaster ride with J. *sighs* But what's done is what done, and right now...I am glowing with the radiance only inner peace can bring. Good heavens, I actually smiled at my neighbour and made small talk. *marvels* Me, doing the niceties! *shakes head* Well, well. She smiled back, and we struck up a conversation about her dog, Toffee. Inquisitive fellow. I petted his head and was instantly his new best friend. He wouldn't leave when we reached my gate, and my neighbour had to literally drag him away, tail a-wagging. My neighbour is a kind soul, with a soft spot for dogs. I've lived here for two years, and I've never even glanced at anyone. Just reading what I wrote makes me laugh quietly to myself. Ah..the world is capable of doing an about-turn when you least expect it, and I know it is not just the things within that have caused this particular 180. Cats are starting to come up to me once more, affectionate as ever. It makes me miss Baby, though. I've decided to go to Sembawang come Saturday, because I have a date on Friday. I suppose it is high time I stepped out of my marble tower and started living again. It's been quite a while since...well, since I lived at all. I suppose J will always have a special place in my heart, my piano will never see these walls where I currently reside, I will never mend things with my father...but I have to live. =) *closes eyes* I have never felt this peaceful since three years ago. God, I can sleep for as long as I want to without waking up screaming or crying inside. It feels bloody marvellous. I feel like a new man. *laughs* If I expire now, I'll die happy. *contented sigh* The hours are slipping past, and I think I'll go to bed now and dream of green fields and golden sunshine. I'm still marveling over the changes that have seized my life. I wish I could bottle this emotion up and share it with the people who matter to me. =)