Psychic Weight

Ever had that sensation...when you spun and spun with your arms outstretched? The feeling of exhilaration, coupled with the sense of freedom in such a simple action...you feel like you can fly, but at the same time, you know you can fall at any moment. *sigh* I dreamt of him, of everyone who has moved on away from the gleaming palaces of my creation. Perhaps there truly are messages hidden within dreams after all. It seems like everyone's running away from reality recently, and I don't know why. Cutting off ties with friends and family, to heal the wounds that aren't visible to anyone except themselves. *sigh* I called my mum two nights ago on her cell at night. She was busy, apparently. Told me to call her back in ten minutes. From the subtle inflections in her tone, I could tell she was dealing with a crisis at home. I never did call her back. I have not stepped out of the house for three days now. I don't know if I have the strength to face the suffocating stress that oozes out of the pores of the average human being. Imagine being in a crowd right now. *grimaces* I have many bridges left to mend, but I've run out of willpower. Every person who has dealt with the supernatural knows that willpower is everything. Without it, you're just another mortal with interesting stories and fairytales. I don't know...right now I suppose I should go dress up and pay my long overdue obeisance to Mother Earth. They have trimmed the trees outside my window yet again, and I hate the sight of those bare trunks. *sigh* It is Friday, and I wonder if perhaps...I ought to visit a place of peace. I woke up at 5am, and spent an hour wrangling with a malfunction in one of my more important programs. There is no more food at home, and I don't really fancy instant noodles all that much. The skies are grey and dull today, adding on to the psychic weight I'm already carrying. I've revisited my past in my dreams, and I wonder if I should feel relieved or disturbed that my mental barriers against my repressed memories are finally breaking down. The human mind usually knows when it is ready to deal with subconscious terrors, and I suppose this is a sign that mine has strengthened itself enough to start sifting through the memories that I've fought to suppress for so long. I don't know yet if I want to start dealing with all the phantoms. I've banished some, yes, and purged my soul of most of the hatred and the resentment. But the pain lingers on, as do the questions that burn within my heart. It is odd, but I truly feel a connection to those whose hearts I have touched. The house stands empty and silent, with only my thoughts to accompany me. I am tired and hungry, but I yearn for the company of one whose soul is pure. Perhaps this is what all we who have fallen are cursed with. Corrupted and darkened, we hunger for the light only an untainted soul can emanate. Like moths to a flame, we are attracted to what will destroy us. Dark thoughts for a gloryless day. *sigh* I don't know what I am to do with myself. I feel like all the energy has been sapped out of me, swirling away down the great cosmic drain. Most mornings when I witness the sun reclaim his celestial throne from his traitorous lunar queen, I feel a sense of hope and relief from the darkness that constantly enshrouds me. But this morning I just feel tired, even though I've gotten a rare night's sleep. Well, I am not entirely powerless. I can whip up a sunny blend of ingredients that can lift the mood of even the most darkened demon. The sale of two of the more powerful objects in my dwindling collection of artifacts has been rescheduled to Saturday. Tomorrow. I have no more use for them, and hopefully with this sale, I can finally complete one of my fragmented sets.
I call upon Uriel, archangel of light and the flame of God to lend us some light on this dark and gloomy day.