Psychic Scrutiny

I will be under intense scrutiny these coming weeks. My skills, my intellect, everything that I have ever fought to be who and where I am today, will all be for naught if I let up for even a moment. All will be meticulously studied for cracks or flaws, and for once, I must trust in myself, have faith in my abilities and allow the tides of luck to turn for the better. I have no time to even feel pressured, though I know very well by now I ought to be panicking. But when my mind is so occupied, I have no time for such trivial emotions. Panic has never been high on my list. Inspiration must surround me at all times, and therefore I have constructed an elaborate schedule that leaves no room for mistakes. I am at a serious disadvantage, truth be told. I must take my skills to a higher level, and to do that I must first correct flaws in my techniques. I have no time for compliments, or saccharine words. I must be flawless, I must be magnificent. Nothing short of the best, and not to sound like a spoiled brat (heaven forbid), I am focused on getting this. The odds do not favour me, I concede on that score, but I believe anything is possible. I won't wax lyrical about the possibilities hope and wishes can bring, for the progression of time has encouraged the flower of cynicism to bloom within my heart. The only thing I can count on now are my lessons, and the depth of my soul which must must must come across in my playing. I must not get too cocky, for that has been my downfall in ages past. I cannot allow for slip-ups. Tomorrow evening, I will be spearheading a few more business deals, and scheduling my auditions for the coming weeks. I have no time for 'what ifs'. But you know what? Reality sucks big time. So let's all have a Coke and a big smile and shut the hell up. I have to sweep them off their feet on the big day. When I sit in front of that piano, regardless of whether it's an old soul or a brand spanking new grand model, I must not falter even once. I have to get my act together. So for the coming weeks, I predict I will be oscillating between periods of extreme darkness and moments of extreme bright (sometimes annoyingly) chirpiness. Both of which are indicative of passion, so never mind that. I get the feeling I'm going into babble-mode, so I'll cut things short. One, I must improve. Two, there is no room for mistakes in the situation I've gotten into. Three, I'm getting out of this loop and facing up to my past decisions. Actions may speak louder than words, but for me, it is the words that inspires my actions. So from now until my own personal version of Doomsday (a week after Feb 9th) I must surround myself with inspiration from every imaginable source.
Don't let me be found wanting.