Psychic Conversion

It appears that the sandman has given me a generous dusting of nightmares to accompany me tonight. So while the rest of the world slumbers peacefully, I'm left to fight my personal demons. There is no respite for me, even in sleep, for I am haunted no matter what I do. Frustration is roaring up from deep inside me like a powerful wave that threatens to consume me. So tonight...or this morning, if you want to be so facetious about my phrasing, I will be doing a lot of thinking. The skies are completely obscured by clouds. The heavens hold no beauty for me tonight, and I feel my mood is mirroring what I see. Darkness and obscurity would be the two principal words. Dawn is a breath away, and I know the sun's warm touch will give me a headache. Perhaps it is a subconscious reaction to the passage of time, since the sun's rebirth every morning signals yet another day that I've wasted. I miss Kenneth's comfort, and Seif's upbeat attitude. Well, if I recall my Physics lessons correctly...energy can neither be stopped nor created. It can only be converted from one form to another. So allow me the grace to transform my current darkness into light. My words have at times, been the sword that plunged into the hearts of those I care about. In recent times, I've taken to biting my tongue instead of hurting them. There are also times, when my words inspire buds to bloom, and flowers to blossom amongst weeds. Words have the power to hold darkness at bay (especially if spoken in Latin. Heehee) and I will now tap into that to try and hold off what I feel until my barriers fall down again. I will not give up. All hope is not yet lost. I must place my faith in my skills, and my ability to draw and create music from my piano. I have time, though it is limited, and I can no longer afford the luxury of frittering it away without considering the values I can draw from it. Every moment I spend away from the keyboard, from the piano, is a minute away from my dream. It is akin to taking a step back for every minute I do not spend pursuing what I truly feel and believe in. Therefore, I have resolved to spend every waking minute at the keys. Why, you may ask, am I still here then? Well, I am savouring the last few moments of darkness before the sun steals up on morning and cruelly rips the calmness from the world. I will not consider the possibility of failure. All of you who know me, be warned. I will not listen to recriminations and pleas to think twice. I'm cranking the engine to full throttle, it's full speed ahead, baby! To hell with all those who scoffed at my dreams, to hell with the people who believe only in sciences and reality and cold hard facts. I am a person who defies both logic and reality. If I have to play my way through life with only my twinkling fingers, so be it. I will not be trapped in my idealistic views and allow the rest of the world to suppress the dreams that I have, that of furthering music for both myself and for the people around me, to nurture that spark, that love for music present in every child, every man, every woman. Reality is what you make of it, and so far I've been blessed with incredible luck. Given opportunities at every moment. I have not exploited this yet, so be forewarned. I will do everything I can to get somewhere. I may not have reached the standards of the great masters of music, but damn it, I can play. Like English, I may not know the difference between an adjective or a verb, but I can write. I do not know the technicalities, but why is that a limitation? I will level every mountain in my way, and should a boulder fall down and crush me, I will only have to look at these words I have written to blast it to smithereens. The dawn is cold, but it appears my inner fire has been rekindled and I feel only warmth. Now if only that darned sun would continue slumbering...*muses* I will be off now. The muses of music beckon, and who am I to resist their siren call? *shrugs*
Give me a purpose in life, and I'll make you proud.