Psychic Guilt

I have been found wanting. As I cringe at what the future has in store for such a wayward child like me, (freethinking homosexual personne with unusual thought processes) I pray a miracle will take place and save me from the path of darkness I've stumbled down upon. Why, oh, why? Who among us can claim to be normal? I am so far removed from the normal order of society. As people rush around me, to school, to work, I spend my days staring at the blue blue skies and wondering if the guy up there is playing us like marionettes. I am quick to unravel a person's character, I am quick to mentally gauge and categorise said person, and I know what he will say/do moments before the action itself. Ever wonder why fortune-tellers never read their own fortunes? Interesting question. I have hopes, dreams, aspirations. We all do. It is only human. What I lack is the courage and initiative to follow through. The higher the mountain, the better the view. Is this not so? Well, my brain and my heart are not working in tandem at the moment, and try as I may, I cannot see a way out of this tangle I am in. Perhaps I can make it in. If I start preparing now...it might not be too late. But what damns me is the guilt factor. Sacrifices were made in vain. Because of my flighty nature, I flew too far off course, and the people waiting for me on the other side shall be disappointed. I am the most complicated being I know. Passion sweeps me up, and away I go, following whatever catches my fancy. A ray of light, a pretty butterfly, a bright spark. Why, oh, why can I not stay on course? Why? Is my inner compass malfunctioning? Sighs aside...it is time for my stubborn side to emerge. I will pursue music. I consider this matter closed. Auditions begin next year in March, and I will be preparing now. It is time to put my resourcefulness to the test. Went for this amazing concert...Singapore Poly's String Ensemble! Despite a few minor hiccups, it was awesome! Their melodies sent goosebumps racing up my arms. It was nothing short of amazing. Ah...the wonders men make when they get together. I absolutely love all the pieces they played! Under the excellent conducting by Mr. Yan Shi Li, who is also an SSO member. He is a very expressive conductor. Yushaa did a wonderful job emceeing. And she looked great in the blouse and heels! Now...it is time for me to drown my guilt. Kenneth met the queer gang tonight! ANd (not) surprisingly, they clicked! *grins* Now the sandman finally succeeded in bewitching me tonight, and he's not the only one I can tell you that. =) So it is off to nightmare land I go now.
Follow me on the wings of darkness, into the night we soar. Let me elevate you to heights never reached before.