Psychic Metamorphosis

I have been worn down by recent events, but somehow, the realisation that I have come into my own helps to take some of the edge off. Something has changed. Well, that's nothing new, but I have always viewed myself as immutable, unchanging even though the world ripples with evolution and metamorphosis around me. I have so stubbornly fought against that same tide of change, but I guess this is one battle that I cannot win. Therefore I have decided to surrender myself to the pull of the current, riptides and all. If I drown, so be it. I have spent the past eighteen years fighting endless battles against demons both within and without, and now I am exhausted. Perhaps the same holds true for the rest of humanity. I do not know, and right now I do not think I care very much. I drifted in and out of troubled sleep last night, but this time I silenced my instincts. I didn't have to wander the streets to sense the cloying stress and despair that cloaked the night. My appetite has dwindled away to nothing, and my mind is dull and sluggish. The master of illusions has finally been defeated, and I have no more tricks hidden in my sleeves, no ace to pull out of thin air. Today is Wednesday, and I believe by now, he already knows of my decision. It has been three days, and my absence has already sparked a new winter. The rippling frost will freeze all that I hold dear, and for once, I do not believe my warmth can stave the chill. But recent events have changed me. My fiery nature has been tempered by time and experience, and this I believe is an evolution in itself. So rah-rah and all that, but on this fine morning, as the sun limps along in the gray and foggy sky, I begin to think the ends do justify the means. The roses in the garden were wilted the last time I saw them, on the day of the fiasco, and while I privately mourned the death of the bloodred blooms, I saw it as a fitting monument to the impermanence of life itself. Who is to say that one day a person wouldn't be mourned in the same way? A soul as beautiful as a rose, yet the physical self deteriorated away to nothing, while the scent lingers on in the air. I have witnessed death in many forms, yet I have also celebrated life in all its glory. These things come hand in hand, as do the seasons. We cannot have one without the other, this is a lesson in balance that all of us need to learn. Today I am cold and barren, as I have been so the past few days. I know the angels that walk among us will extend a hand when we are at our most vulnerable, and my need for protection and reassurance pains me. I am teetering on the edge of a meltdown, and I hope that he understands I am not vanishing yet again. Never that. I just need time to sort out the mess. And hopefully, by the time this all blows over, I will have evolved yet again. Evolution isn't a one-time thing, at least not for me. *sigh* My psychic twin has attempted to reach me, but circumstances were against us. When is it ever not? These bright spots dance at the edge of my vision: all these people trying so hard to reach me and pull me out of my dark shell. Very well, I shall accede to their request. One message strengthened by many voices. I will step out of my high tower and live again. But this evolution will come with a hefty price, one which right now I am more than willing to pay.
Gabriel, old friend. Have you forsaken me?