Psychic Silverlining

Amid the furore of emotional storms and another illness scare, a silver lining has emerged, and his name starts with J. Therefore for all intents and purposes, he shall henceforth be christened J. The weekend was terrible, and I thought that on more than one occasion, I would flee and run home to hide under my blanket. But I stuck it out, tears and fears notwithstanding. I want him back as a father figure, minus the incest angle. Maybe it is still possible, but I'm not gonna suffocate holding my breath waiting for it to happen. During the weekend, J messaged. Somehow or another, bridges were rebuilt and his concern for me was evident. It felt just like old times, when my phone's inbox was filled with messages from him. Gentle where need be, firm when necessary, he made me feel soothed even when the storm was breaking right there at ground zero. Today we were talking the whole day. Even though we were miles apart, I thought he stood right next to me, I could feel his spirit. Warm and healing, and it made me feel like I could take on the world. Emotion to me is everything. It is what animates men, it is what spurs artists to create masterpieces that last through time. Perhaps the signals are confusing, but there is no denying the prize. He still cares. I could withstand a thousand illnesses just for those three words. And for him...a thousand bullets I would take. =) That is the strength of what I feel, and I embrace it. I cannot present illusions before the bright sun that he is, he is worth so much. I can only be myself and hope that it will be enough. Now I want to telephone Kenneth and feel the warmth of my other earthbound angel. =)